The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/21/17
Interesting piece!
Blessings~
05/22/17
You did a great job of attacking the topic. You had a good storyline.

A few things that I felt took away from the story: It seemed to me that the characters took this unbelievable event to calmly. I think if more emotional amazement was interjected it would have been more believable.

Also starting it out with a hook like, "Something is going to have to change or this dull boring job will do me in." A flash caught his attention from outside, his computer screen blinked.

Something of that sort to draw the reader into how this dull life will change.

Also check and recheck for silly spelling or grammar errors.

Keep writing and use FaithWriter's writing helps to improve. They are so beneficial to those wanting to grow.

God bless and keep writing.