Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Vote/Voted off the Island (05/29/14)
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TITLE: Jesus Loves Me | Previous Challenge Entry
By Donna Tijou
06/05/14 -
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“Right behind you!”
“You’re at least 100 feet back.”
“I’m right behind you!
I picked up my step. I don’t know why I agreed to go on this stupid survival journey. My feet hurt, I was hungry, tired and sweaty. I missed my bed, TV, home cooking and most of all, my bible and quiet time with God.”
“You’re dragging again!”
“What do you care?”
“I care because I want to see the look on your face when you drop, want to see you fall. I’m going to beat you.”
“I’ll get there at my own pace, Big Shot”
“Don’t choke on my dust.”
‘Don’t choke on my dust,’ I sing-songed in my head. I wasn’t cut out for this kind of competition. Sure, the prize money sounded good, but was it worth it? I actually gave up all this nonsense when I was a kid, but I needed the money and thought I could win. Please God, help me. This isn’t my bag of tricks. Let me just get this thing over with so I can go home.
Suddenly I heard loud screams! Big Shot, ahead of me, was screaming, but I didn't see her. She had disappeared, but her screams were certainly loud and clear! Where was she? Why was she screaming? Was this a set-up? I’ll just ignore her and keep on trucking.
But the screams continued. She was crying for help. No one else was around.
“Hey, Big Shot, where are you?”
“Down here!”
“Down where?” Is this a trick? I don’t see you anywhere.”
“I’ve fallen in a hole. Please help! My ankle hurts. Please hurry!”
“Where? I don’t see you.”
“That’s because I’m in a hole! Please help me!”
“Can you see anything? Can you tell me where the hole is?”
“It’s near that big tree!”
“There’s lots of big trees!”
I looked around and all I saw was forest. We were in the middle of a woods, trees and brush everywhere. The ground was covered with moss, pine needles and fallen leaves.
“You have to be more specific.”
“I can’t, I’m in a hole. When I look up all I see is big trees.”
“Keep talking, I’ll try to follow your voice.”
That wasn’t easy. I could hear her, but her voice was bouncing off the forest walls. It was difficult to tell where it was coming from.
“Keep talking so I can find you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say anything, just make noise. Why don’t you sing?”
“I’m dying in this hole and you want me to sing? What should I sing? I’m not a very good singer.”
“Most good singers have large mouths and you certainly have a large mouth, Big Shot!”
“Not funny! Please hurry and save me!”
“Sing!”
“Sing what?”
“Jesus Loves Me.”
“I’m glad He loves you, but I don’t think He cares much for me.”
“No, Big Shot, it’s the name of a song.”
“I don’t know it.”
“Repeat after me - Jesus loves me, this I know ...”
Little by little I followed her voice as she repeated the lyrics.
“... cause the bible tells me so.”
“Yes, Jesus loves me ...”
Eventually I came upon the spot from where the voice seemed to be resonating. It was covered with brush. I pulled away the twigs and forest debris and there was Big Shot, in all her glory, at the bottom of a deep hole.
“There you are! How did you get down there?”
“I fell in. How do you think?”
“Watch it Big Shot, I’m your only escape.”
“Sorry, it’s pretty awful down here.”
I lowered the rope I was carrying and gradually pulled her out. She was bruised, dirty and had a sprained ankle; other than that, she was pretty good.
“How do you think this hole got here?” I asked when she was safely out.
“Dan and I dug it last night and covered it so you would fall in. That’s why I wanted you to follow me. I thought I could lead you to it and you would be trapped for a while. It was dark when we dug it and I forgot exactly where it was. I guess it kind of backfired on me”
“I guess it did. Why do you think it turned out that way?”
“Maybe Jesus loves you?”
That night Big Shot, Dan and the others voted me off the island. I was glad.
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The truth is, I don't have to have anyone get me into trouble; I do it all by my self. I need to follow the Holy Spirit to keep from being in trouble all the time.
I felt the story could have had just a little more dramatic ending in the rescue but it was a readable story and the full plot wasn't uncovered until the end. Nice work.
Your dialogue was excellent and your ending was appropriate, although a bit abrupt.
Overall an excellent story that I'd love to see fleshed out with a longer word limit.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
God bless~