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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: In and Out (04/30/09)

TITLE: Final Whispers
By Deborah Ann Belka


Fade in.

“Mom, can I get you anything?” I whisper softly through the beeps and hums that pulsate through my heart, reminding me they are counting down the minutes until . . . they go silent.

“No, dear I’m fine.” She barely whispers back.

Mom has been floating in and out of consciousness for hours. Unaware of her surroundings and what is going on around her. I hover at her side, all too aware of the hour, knowing these are her final whispers.

I reach for her thin frail hand and hold it, promising to myself not to let go until she did. I am determined to hold on for dear life. My life!

Fade out.

It is in this very second; while she is in her darkness, that I find myself blinded by the startling light of what is about to become. I wonder what lies between her darkness and my light and then I discover a timeless moment spent in the dimness of reality.

It is in this gray matter of space, when death comes and steals away someone you love, the heart must let go, but not the hand, never the hand.

The dimness lightens and I pray that God will take her and give her rest. Yet, I hold on tighter than ever.

Fade in.

“Where’s your daddy?” She voicelessly asks.

I know how much she wants to see him. But, I tell her he won't be able to come and see her today. Through the haze I think she understands, but I can’t be sure.

Fade out.

“Harold, is that you?”

“I thought I saw you today, but they say that cannot be. Why is that? Why won’t they let me see you?”

“Oh, Harold I just don’t understand why they want to keep you away from me.”

I know the time is getting closer. My heart can feel her leaving. My hand trembles, as if I have been in a tug of war and I am tired of pulling her back from the edge. I notice a single lone tear roll down her check.

“Mom, can you hear me?” I ask.

I cannot bare the silence.

“Everything will be ok, mom.” I try to assure her.

I think she hears me when I see a faint smile cross her lips. "Mom, mom," I cry out.

“Bertie, I am over here, come and give me your hand.”

“Oh, Harold there you are. I knew I would find you and that you would never leave me. She places her hand in his and he gives it that old familiar squeeze.”

“Bertie, you old blister, I sure have missed you. What’s taken you so long?”

“Mom, mom can you hear me?" I grasp both her hands now into mine. "Its ok, go be with God and daddy.”

As the hums and beeps go silent, I feel her squeeze my hand just the way daddy use to.

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This article has been read 732 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Kimberly Curry05/10/09
Very touching and good ending.
DiAnna Steele05/11/09
What a beautiful story, very nicely done. I used to work in Hospice and it brought back many memories of my patients. One note, your choice of the word "bare" {to expose, to uncover} should have been "bear" {to hold up, to tolerate}.
Jan Ackerson 05/11/09
Great use of the topic words.

I occasionally lost track of who was talking/thinking. Maybe the use of italics to indicate thoughts would clarify it?

Love your title, and the story arc is well-constructed.
samuel saalwaechter 05/13/09
WOW - this was really touching. Fiction and non-fiction and Christian writing, will keep me wondering everytime I read an artical now. But I liked this one. Good job
Edy T Johnson 06/26/10
Oh, Debby, you have captured the moment so beautifully and heart-wrenchingly, too. I think it is such a gift to one we love, to be there and to hold on until the end. God's mercy endures forever and covers us with His comfort through times like these. I want to thank you, too, for leaving a comment on my story "When Heaven Came Crashing Down." I sure appreciate you!