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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Prosperity (05/11/06)
It started with the Godly priest, Ezra,
and Cyrus, the king of Persia,
when the Lord God of Israel
touched-then turned Cyrus’s heart
for Israel’s return and fresh new start.

The reconstruction on their temple in Judea
and allowance for the captives’ return,
was financed with help of the royal treasury
and decreed by Cyrus the king,
for the people whose homeland they yearned.

He restored their temples’ possessions
stolen by Nebuchadnezzar’s greed.
But obstacles came, Cyrus past,
and Darius stopped the building cast,
until he found Cyrus’s creed.

When read and studied,
he fell to his knees.
Then, their activity could proceed.

Many tales told
to halt success,
but with God’s intervention,
their work was blest.

Then Ahasuerus married Esther.
Her people were saved
from Haman’s hate and fester.

Artarerus I held Nehemiah as his cupbearer.
He had the tenderness of his father’s heart,
and released Nehemiah, and earlier Ezra,
to join Israel’s return and a fresh new start.

God’s remnant was radiant and jubilant.
Prosperity followed when they were obedient.

175 words
information from the book of Ezra and Nehemiah....NASB version
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Theresa Kissinger
05/21/06
This piece has so much promise. You know & tell the story well. I like the idea of the poem but the inconsistent rhythm makes it hard to read. Although the rhyming is good but (to me) not as important as the flow itself. Great Bible knowledge here can't wait to see more of your work.
Helen Paynter
05/21/06
I like this, but I don't think it's likely to do well in the challenge, if indeed that is your aim. The reason is as above - the verses are inconsistent in length, meter, ande rhyming structure. Free verse (no rhyme or meter) is fine, but yours has too much rhyme for that! However, I applaud your Biblical storytelling, and would urge you to press on with this genre - it's hard to master (I certainly haven't) but worth the effort.
Jan Ackerson
05/24/06
This reminds me of the Sunday School songs where Bible stories and lists are set to music so that children can memorize them. Work on the rhythm--count syllables in each line and strive for some sort of consistent pattern. Very clever!