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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: SNOOZE (07/20/17)
The day was blistering cold. At times, the heavy snow falls limited visibility to a foot or two. Yet, the two men slowly trudged on, methodically placing one foot in front of the other, but with care least a misplaced step lead to breaking through the packed snow and a fall to certain death.



Through chattering teeth, Ryan asked, “How much further do you think it is?”



Jim didn’t respond right away, his eyes were squinting and straining, focusing on the way ahead. “It’s hard to tell. I can’t even see my hand in front of my face half the time!” he finally responded.



Ryan, with a look of disappointment on his face, asked, “Are you sure we are still heading in the right direction? Then remarked, “We should have been there by now!”



Jim stopped and fiddled with the button on the chest pocket of his jacket. The extreme cold made it difficult to move, which in turn, caused even the simplest tasks to take twice as long. After several attempts, Jim removed a compass and set to studying the gadget for a moment, determining they were heading South West; The direction the two originally set out for.



“Yes, we are,” replied Jim. “We may not make it tonight though!” He continued, “We need to find a place to bunk down. Hopefully the snow will let up tomorrow so that we can see better!” Jim, keeping his head turned away from Ryan, closed his eyes and prayed, his lips moved, but produced no sound.



Ryan’s shoulder’s slumped in displeasure. “I don’t think I will survive another night, it is too cold. I haven’t been able to feel my feet or hands since last night!” he announced, shaking from head to toe.



Ryan couldn’t see Jim’s facial response, but Jim had a look of worry written all over his face.



The snow fall had lightened enough to see a couple of yards away, enough for Jim to spy several trees growing close enough together that their branches intertwined, offering a little shelter from the weather.



“Look Ryan, we’ll try to spend the night over there,” said Jim, while pointing at the trees.



After setting up their makeshift camp, they both set down, exhausted from the day’s long hike. Ryan, still shivering all over, half stuttered, “What I wouldn’t give for a lighter or some matches right now!”



Jim shook his head in agreement, cracking a slight smile, but didn’t respond.



Silence ensued for a time as both were given to their thoughts. Jim was having difficulty keeping his eyes open, sleep was calling his name.



Ryan broke the quiet with a tranquil, but serious voice calling Jim’s name as if he were looking for his undivided attention. Jim looked at Ryan with expectation, and quickly observed his condition; Ryan’s face was white, as if all the warm, life-giving blood was gone from his body. His eyes were staring off into the outer cold, not focused on anything, a faraway look, like one has when day dreaming.



“Yes,” Jim reluctantly responded, anticipating Ryan’s next statement.



“I’ve never been one to believe in religion, as you know,” Ryan said. Pausing to gather his thoughts. “This Jesus you always talk about, he is real, isn’t he?”



Jim, looked into Ryan’s eyes and with every bit of seriousness in his demeanor, proclaimed, “Yes, Jesus is real and has transformed my life! But, Ryan, Jesus is not a religion, he is God’s salvation. Everyone who believes in Jesus will be made right before God, as if he has never done anything wrong!”



Ryan turned his attention to Jim, “Is there any forgiveness for the things I’ve done? I’ve done some horrible things in my life, things which are unforgivable!”



Jim responded, “Jesus will forgive you, if you ask him to!”



“I need forgiveness!” exclaimed Ryan, “I need Jesus! Please forgive me Jesus! He said as he began to sob.



“Jesus has forgiven you!” proclaimed Jim, as he reached over to wrap his arm around Ryan, embracing him in a half hug.



Jim set back and quickly dozed off. When he awoke, he wasn’t sure how long he was out; it could have been minutes or hours. He glanced over at Ryan and noticed that he sat motionless, eyes staring off into space. But the peace, oh the peace on Ryan’s face.



“Oh, Ryan…Why?” cried Jim as he reached over and closed Ryan’s eyes.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Judy Sauer 
08/01/17
​You described the scenes well. It was easy to place myself in the story. Through the storm, it was as if I could hear the men panting for breath, and talking loud (or yelling) to be heard over the wind. These are implied undertones. It would be good to include these types of details in your story.
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You wrote a long sentence:
Yet, the two men slowly trudged on, methodically placing one foot in front of the other, but with care least a misplaced step lead to breaking through the packed snow and a fall to certain death.

Punctuation can help with the flow. Splitting in sentences in another suggestion, or rewording.
Yet, the two men slowly trudged on; methodically, they took one step at a time. They had to go slow to prevent a misplaced step; they did not want to break through the packed snow. That would be a fall to certain death.
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I did not see the ending coming. That's the way to write. Keep it up!
Larry Whittington
08/02/17
I find it hard to respond to pieces like these since I have never read of a similar situation in the Bible.

The gospel is about the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus came, born of a virgin but when he was raised from the dead he was declared to be Lord and Christ - The anointed savior. When a person believes Jesus is now Lord, he will want to obey what ever he has commanded. These are the kind of stories I see people experiencing in the Bible.
Steve Goodenough
08/03/17
In response to Larry,
I’m not sure I understand your comment. My first guess is that you are theologically challenging the piece. If I am wrong, please forgive me. If I am right, then please accept the following brief explanation.
First. Since we are limited to 750 words or less, I was not able to fully develop all prior conversations Jim would have had with Ryan regarding the Lordship of Christ. I felt it was implied in the story. I would have loved to develop the wintery scene better as well.
Second. “Lord” is defined, among other things, as Master. When someone submits to someone or something else, that person or thing becomes their master. Just verbally expressing someone is your Lord is not enough. We can say Jesus is Lord all we want, but if there is no submission in your heart to Jesus as Lord then Jesus is not your Lord. In Ryan’s case, he submitted to the Lordship of Jesus Christ by submitting his self to Jesus. Ryan did this by admitting that he had no power to overcome what his sins had done to him, (separated him from God), and that only Jesus has the power to forgive sins. Ryan was saved by faith, through grace! If he had survived, his life would have reflected his new commitment of Jesus being his Lord.
In Christ,