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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)
"I did not ask to speak with a priest." The heart monitor increased in beeping frequency.

"I am Pastor Mills. Your sister Claire is a member of my congregation and asked if I might stop by and talk with you a bit tonight." The beeping slowed down. "Would it be ok with you if I sat down and talked?"

A broken sigh worked to escape the lungs. "That sounds like something Claire would do. She always thought she knew what was best for everyone. She wants you to preach about heaven and God before I die right?"

"Trevor, your sister is concerned about your salvation. As am I."

"A man of God would know the truth of it then. You need to make my sister understand that there is no hope for me. It is too late." The beeping increased again. "I heard the stories growing up about where bad people go and where good people go when they die. My parents dragged me to church every Sunday when I was a kid and drilled it into my head to be good or God was going to punish me."

Spittle started to form in the corners of his mouth. The beeping increased. " God is not punishing you Trevor."

Waving his hand he labored for breath. Two men sat in silence as the beeping slowed once more. "There is no escaping where I am going. I don't have time to make up for the things I have done in my life. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. I don't have a skeleton in my closet. I have a colony of them in there. It is done with now."

Pastor Mills watched as weary eyes closed. "Do you believe in God Trevor?"

Trevor's eyes remained closed. "Of course I do. I told you I went to church as a kid."

The corners of Pastor Mills mouth turned upward. "Because a seed was planted as a child does not mean that it took root. Obviously it did in you." Leaning closer his voice softening. "Do you believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins?"

Trevor's eyes remained closed. "Why are you asking me stupid questions. Of course I do. I told you I heard the stories. I stopped going to church. I sinned everyday. I drank. I broke laws. I cheated on my wife and then left her. I left God behind and chose a sinners life."

Pastor Mills gently laid his hand on Trevor's shoulder. "If you truly believe in God. If you truly believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins. Then it is not too late."

Tears started to slip from Trevor's closed eyes. " Yes it is. There is no escape for me. I am going to pay the piper and he will delight in seeing me burn for all eternity."

Pastor Mills opened his bible to Rom 10:13 [KJV] and read " For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." He then turned to John 5:24 [KJV] " Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life."

Pastor Mills closed the book and rested his hand on Trevor's hand. "It is never too late. God knows the heart of man. You can call upon the Lord now Trever. Ask His forgiveness." The beeping increased. "You can not escape death from this world but you can still have eternal life with Christ if you believe His word is true. If you will hear Him and believe in him. You still have a choice Trevor."

The beeping slowed. Blood shot eyes reopened. Silence filled the room. Beep..... beep..... beep.... A discolored frail hand laid upon a tanned hand that held a bible. IV tubing trailed. "Will you pray with me?"
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This article has been read 1033 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Kenn Allan 
01/14/06
A very good story - especially as a first attempt. It had a beginning, middle, and carried me though to the ending. Well done.
Jan Ackerson
01/14/06
Excellent writing here. You took on a topic that has been examined many times, and you gave your main character a genuine personality. Wonderful first entry.
Andria Cook
01/15/06
Great job on this piece. I am thinking, are you SURE this is your first attempt!?! lol....great job, keep writing.
Sandra Petersen
01/15/06
Very good! Now why can't we laypeople speak with the same assurance as Pastor Mills did?
You address a very important issue. We should all be able to talk an unsaved person on their deathbed through to making the final choice.
Just a few places where commas were needed: "before I die[,] right?", "God is not punishing you[,] Trevor.", "Do you believe in God[,] Trevor?", "If you truly believe in God [, i]f you truly believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins [,t]hen it is not too late." Well, you get the idea.
I liked the link of your title, the heart monitor, and Trevor's spiritual heart. I also thought the addition of the beeping of the monitor to indicate Trevor's initial degree of emotional distress and eventual peace with God as he comes to the decision was masterful.
Are you sure you are a beginner?
Venice Kichura
01/20/06
Wow! This is excellent---You are an awesome writer!