The Official Writing Challenge
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There's a lot of good detail here, but I can't seem to understand what it's about. I understand that the hero was cleaning the streets of vilains, but the story plot seemed to elude me. There is very good word play here, though.
06/03/07
Lots of action in this story!

You did a lot of switching from past to present tense, a bit dizzying for your reader.

I'd love a chance to get to know these characters better.
There are some good descriptions here. It was a little hard to follow, but a great start. Thanks!