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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sewing (02/22/07)
You could almost hear the eerie silence in the room. The only light was the one that escaped through the tiny attic window. Frieda sat on the floor with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chine. She wasn’t bothered about the mouldy smell, or the cobwebs she had to chase off her green sweater. The floor was hard but she could not risk seating in the black rickety chair. The only mistake she made was to flee without her cell phone, at least she could call 911 but now she was trapped.

She wondered what Bruce was doing maybe he was in shock, or concussed she did not turn around to look after she whacked him on the head with the rolling pin. She was proud of herself that she fought back this time. She could taste her own blood mixed with tears on her lips. She had to think fast before he comes back to his senses. She could head off, but not without Derek. She decided to look for a weapon before she makes her way downstairs. She dragged herself up and tiptoed around, what can you find in a sewing room that would protect in a time like this. She ignored the ache on her ribs and the sting from her swollen eyes

She could hear shuffling downstairs- he wasn’t concussed. She needed at least a pair of scissors, anything that would fend him off till she grabs her baby or calls the police. She did not know where she would go, anywhere maybe a cheap hotel. She pulled out the draw quietly, lifted up patterns and shoved pincushions aside and looked for anything that would protect her.

She then heard the thumping of footsteps coming up the stairs. Her life flashed before her eyes, and then she saw it, a pair of pinking shears scissors. The door was locked from the inside but she knew it was only a matter of time before he would break in. As she lifted up the pinking shears she saw a verse taped to the bottom of the draw.

Fear not for I am with you be not dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For the first time Frieda gave a glance to her mum’s religious prose she taped around her stuff, she must have forgotten to take it off when she gave her the sewing suite. A sense of peace flooded her soul. She paused took a deep breath and decided to wait and see what would happen.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jacquelyn Horne
03/01/07
This is good writing. I did see a couple of word errors. "seating" for sitting and "draw" for drawer, but these are minor. However, I did feel that there was more to be said. The writing, however, was very good. And I liked the pov.
David Huckabay Jr
03/02/07
Very good, and suspensful story. Aside from the previously stated minor problems, the structure of the story was good. The left me in some suspense, wanting to wait for the second installment. Yet, at times leaving readers to exercixe their own imaginations is good too.
Marilee Alvey
03/03/07
You have quite a good story here! You need someone to proofread your stories for grammatical errors. It would be a simple task to do. You can go on the Faithwriters boards and ask if someone could do that next time. That little thing out of the way, I have to tell you that your story was masterful in giving us suspense. You didn't give us the ending....and I really respect that. You left us wondering and wanting more, a skill I wish I had. Too many of us here like to tie things up in a neat little bow. You truly have a gift for writing. Keep using it!