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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: INDEFATIGABLE (02/11/16)
I sat in the drawn out silence. Introspective. My mind flittered about mixing thoughts and emotions and caused my heart to spiral drastically with the increasing gravity. I breathed out with a huff of reserve. My voice was barely above a whisper.

“Why are you with me?”

“Because I want to be.”

I squeezed my eyes shut moistening my eyelashes.

“Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like I do? I have made terrible choices. I purposefully ignored you for years. Even after you won me over, even though we have had some wonderful, amazing times together, I still go days—weeks—without even talking to you. I can be so self-consumed. And brattish. And grumpy. Why do you even bother with me?”

“What is this ideal soulmate you suppose I want? I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

“But I keep letting you down.”

“Who said that?”

“Huh? I…er…oh.”

“How can you let me down when I know you completely? I know every word before it’s on your tongue. I am God Omniscient, El Roi; the God who knows all and sees all.”

“So why are you with me knowing all the messes I have made, knowing that I am prone to stuff up!?”

“Because I love you. I honestly, completely, passionately love you. My love is not based on your choices and actions. I love you because I am love itself and at the very first thought of your existence I knew I had to create you. You are incredible and I long for you to be one with me. My love for you is indefatigable. Nothing can change it. Not one thing can stop it, nor hinder it, nor make it quaver. I love you with great strength and gentleness and there’s nothing you can do about it.

My beloved, you don’t have to listen to these fears. Listen to me. I am always present. Even while you were ignoring me I was nearby, watching over you, ensuring that all your needs were provided. I listened intently to every cry, shared every hardship and rejoiced with you in every victory. I jumped at the chance to get involved whenever you invited me to. Most precious to me was the moment you chose me. I cried tears of joy and all of heaven broke out in partying with me. Now, now I can wrap my arms tight around you and hold you close for you are mine. It brings me such delight.”

“I have felt those hugs.”

“And I will keep on giving them for you are undefinably precious to me.”

“Such beautiful words. My being aches for you yet these fears keep screaming at me and assault me with questions till I am overwhelmed.”

“Be still, my beloved. Just breathe. I’ve got you. Know that I am God and my love for you is unstoppable. You cannot step outside of its walls. Dwell here with me. Let me sing you my love songs.”

I sigh. I breathe. The noise fades. Soft music drifts in on the breeze.
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This article has been read 565 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Philip Aiyabei 
02/19/16
Wonderful! at first i thought this conversation was with a lady, never realized it was all about the great love of our Lord Jesus.Hoping this piece gets a place.
Pat Small
02/19/16
Precious message.
AnnMarie Givans
02/20/16
This is beautiful, I loved it.
God bless.
Toni Babcock 
02/20/16
This is an excellent piece with a lot of raw emotion and spiritual impact. Here is one suggestion you can take or leave. In your opening, you may experiment by making your first paragraph a lot less informative. Your readers will be awakened gradually, as they are pulled into the gravity of what you are about to say. You don't want to be the "spoiler" of your own creative prose by handing out too much emotional preview.
Here is what you wrote: "I sat in the drawn out silence. Introspective. My mind flittered about mixing thoughts and emotions and caused my heart to spiral drastically with the increasing gravity. I breathed out with a huff of reserve. My voice was barely above a whisper."
What if you just wrote: "I sat down in the drawn out silence. My mind flittered, my heart spiraled, my voice spoke barely above a whisper."
I don't know - just a suggestion.
Bonnie Bowden 
02/24/16
I thought you used dialogue well in this story. I knew where this was going, but still liked the raw emotion.
Philippa Geaney 
02/24/16
Beautiful piece. I hope you do really well with this. You have anyway on a personal level I should think. I thought the red ink comments by Toni were spot on -your words just simplified. Excellent.
Bonnie Bowden 
02/25/16
Congratulations, Kelly, on placing highly commendable in
the Beginner's division.