The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/22/09
Nice theme of yellow roses from long-lost brother. Some good descriptions.

Suggestions: combine some short paragraphs, cut lots of prepositions. Add more details, such as what type of work she did, other employees, did brother live near her?

You have a tender, heart-warming story here, so go for it! Blessings.
Great story!
I would like to know how many days did she receive roses?
How did leaving in an expensive pent house, and that she was gorgeous have anything to do with the story?

How many years had it been?
11/24/09
The ending was great!

Try more telling instead of showing... Maybe have her conversing with a co-worker about who it could be. Or describing the whole thing to someone else.

Great story over all. I wish I knew more!
11/25/09
You have the ability to draw the reader into the story. I liked your characters. Keep writing.

mona
O, what a wonderful story of a reunion with her long lost brother!!!! It brought tears as you drew me to keep reading up to the end.

You have the gift of writing. Keep it up. God bless you!