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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Adulthood (07/30/09)
“Oh dear God help me.” Jake’s voice quivers in fright as he leaps off the corral fence to race toward his Daddy. It seems as though he’s running in slow motion, but only seconds pass before Jake’s sitting on the ground cradling Daddy’s head in his lap. Free flowing tears quickly soak Jake’s shirt as his Daddy peers up at him with pain filled eyes. Then for the first time Jack notices blood spurting from a wound, which seeps into his shirt and jeans until he feels the warmth of it on his skin. “Dear God help him.” Jake pleads. “I know Daddy must hurt real bad just by the way he fell. I sure hope moving his head didn’t make it bleed worse.”

“Jake.” The whisper is barely audible. Quickly Jake leans forward until his ear is close to Daddy’s mouth. “Son, I’m afeared I ain’t gonna make it. Y’ur gonna half-ta be the man of the family hereon.” Though his smile is weak, pride for Jake is evident in his eyes, until his last labored breath fades.

Jake’s positive Daddy’s gone to heaven. He sees it in the peacefulness of his face, and knows it from Daddy teaching them how Jesus is the only Way to heaven. “Please watch over my Daddy,” Jake says to Jesus as he carefully lifts Daddy’s head from his lap to the ground. He stands slowly to plod home. Jake must tell Mama and his five siblings what happened although he’s dreading it. He realizes they’ll feel shock and sadness from missing him, just as he does, still they’ll be thankful his suffering was short lived with the assurance that now he is happy and healthy with Jesus. Afterwards Jake says to Mama and his siblings, “I believe Daddy is singing with the angels. Remember how he always took his guitar out after supper to sing songs his parents taught him when he was a boy? Daddy’s voice was beautiful. Let’s sing his favorite song.” Jake grabs the guitar and much to Mama’s and the siblings amazement he plays almost as well as Daddy, who had taught him in secret. They harmonize ‘In the Garden’. When they come to the part, ‘and he tells me I am his own’, their voices rise in praise and adoration to their Lord who is with their loved one in heaven.

Days pass by as Jake recalls watching Daddy break, Maggie Sue, a wild mustang he’d brought home along with several other breeds. At Pryor Mountains, a few miles south of their ranch, wild horses roam free. “Rounding up, breaking in, and selling horses after he tamed them was Daddy’s means of taking care of his family,” Jake reminisces. “He was darn good at it, too. I’m mighty proud of Daddy and thankful he taught me all about them. Daddy told me many times, ‘Jake one day I’d like ya ta to take o’er the ranch. Keep breakin’ and trainin’ them stags and fillies so’s ya kin sell ‘em’. Thar’s a good livin’ ta be made wit’ horses’. Soon Daddy saddled Maggie Sue with no trouble, then would sit on her back so she could experience extra weight since she’d run free all her life. When it didn’t bother Maggie Sue to carry Daddy, he’d run her around the corral. On that particular day I saw Daddy galloping her in circles several times. Maggie Sue seemed to be doing real good and enjoying herself when something must’ve spooked her. Suddenly she reared up tossing Daddy to the ground real hard. Before he could roll away Maggie Sue’s front legs came down clipping Daddy with her hooves. I didn’t know he was hurt bad until later when I saw and felt his blood.”

Jake spends hours afterwards burdened by Daddy’s last words. “The more I think about what Daddy told me the more scared I am. Being the man of the family is a huge responsibility. It won’t leave much time for other things, which means I’ll probably have to quit school. I love learning and hoped to be a writer someday. Now it looks like I’ll have to give up that dream.” Jake moans in anguish. “Adulthood is hard to understand. I know a person develops maturity at a certain age, but even though I’m tall and might look older, I just turned thirteen. How will I ever fill Daddy’s big boots? Oh dear God, help me.”
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This article has been read 612 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Kaylee Blake 
08/11/09
The first two paragraphs really grasped my attention and I had goosebumps, no joke. I think that if the story was written in the past tense then it would have felt even more like a newspaper article or an interview. I would have loved to have seen the boy retelling this story to his grandkids or something at a good old age so we could see how he did handle adulthood. A lot of excellent potential here. good job!
Sunny Loomis 
08/14/09
Very well done. Young son with big responsibility. He knows Who to ask for guidance.
Carolyn Palmertree
08/17/09
Hi Kat,
I liked your story "Man of the Family". I like the emotions of the son when he ran to his dad and held his head while the dad was taking his last breath. The dad did give a difficult request to his son when he ask him to be the man of the famiy. Thanks for such a moving story.
love Carolyn
Helen Dowd
08/19/09
Hi Kat...Well done. You will improve the more you write. Try to seperate into paragraphs, the different changes of topic or conversation...You did well, showing the emotions of the boy, and since the word length is limited, you couldn't say all you may have wanted to say...Keep on sending in your work. Practice makes perfect. And which one of us has "practiced to perfection." I know I certainly haven't...God's blessings...
Helen