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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hot and Cold (04/09/09)
STOP RUNNING!

What should I do now?

I helped my father in the field. I worked so hard in the fields. I tilled the soil. I planted crops. I harvested and sold crops for profit. I brought riches in my family. I eat what is enough after work. My mother always prepares it just like how I want to.

I know I should ask my father to give me what is rightfully mine. I should ask for my inheritance. I should be independent and run after a life that is soothing and not exhausting. I should meet people and make friends. I could help my family even better, I’ll make connections.

Yes! I got it I got my share, my inheritance. I should get a horse. Good bye brother. You should join me when you want to be independent come and find me. I’ll be around the city.

Here I am in the city what a great place this is. I should act like I’m from the city. They should not notice. I’ll buy fine garments and new sandals for my feet. I should mingle around.

This is a nice place they know how to welcome a worthy man. They allowed me to sit on this silk covered chair with a foot rest. They even invited women. Wow! I haven’t mingled with these kinds of people before. This is a wonderful opportunity for me. They brought out good drinks. Strong one’s too. The best of the drinks they have. I should come back tomorrow.

Here I am again. This is my second home. I love this place. All I need to do is come and they will make you happy. I just give them gold coins which I’ve kept.

What?! Where is it? Why now? I know it is here I was the one who secured it. I know it’s here where is it? Here comes the owner. What should I do?

I know I’ll go to the comfort room and run. I can do this I’ll never be back after this. No one will notice.

Someone is following me. I should run faster.

Somebody’s chasing me, they are many.

They caught me and had me back at that place. I owe the owner so much I should work for it. He said I should stay for 3 months and I have already paid my credit by then. Alright I’ll do this. I can do this.

It’s dinner time. Where’s the food? I’m outside waiting but nothing is left for me. I am so hungry and my stomach aches.

I need something to eat. Ah! The pig tray, they’re just left over foods I could eat from there.

This tastes like vomit but I’ve got to eat.

My tears, it’s falling. My eyes are swelling. My body is shaking. My hands are tired. I am so tired from work.

One more week and I could get out from this place. This is not home. I don’t like to be here anymore.

I’m out. Where should I go? I’ll go back, go back to my family.

There they are waving at me. Why? Why? After all the things I’ve done, they’re even happy to have me back. Please tell me, is this right?

“My son, welcome home.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
04/19/09
An interesting re-telling of the prodigal story.

Be careful, when writing in first person, not to begin too many sentences with "I". And I'm not sure I could find the topics words here.

Keep writing--I enjoyed your sparse style.
Yvonne Blake 
04/21/09
Interesting perspective.
You had enough words left to develop the setting more.
Wonderful story, wonderful truths.