The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/22/09
Lots of adventure here!

Consider telling this in story style, with dialogue and paragraphs. Darby is a fascinating character!
01/23/09
I would like to hear some of the stories Cpt. Darby told of home.
Watch spelling: collage/college
Lots of information in here. It's a great beginning to a wonderful story.
01/27/09
I agree with Jan. Edit and paragraph and dialogue and it will be an easier, more enjoyable read.

Otherwise, you did great! I enjoyed reading about Darby.

You're really good at bringing out the details and making it interesting. :)