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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Easter (05/30/05)
The Gardener stood around the corner from the entrance to the tomb. The Gardener saw Mary approach the tomb nervously and also saw that she was weeping. Mary walked up quietly, stooped and looked into the entrance of the tomb. Mary saw what looked like two angels in white sitting by the slab where the body of Jesus had been lying. One angel sat at the head and one angel sat at the feet where Jesus had just been.

The two angels saw Mary and noticed that she had been weeping. The angels said to Mary " woman, why are you weeping?". Mary looked at the angels and as she wiped tears from her eyes responded " because they have taken my Lord and I don't know where they have taken him". After saying this, Mary turned and saw someone standing there but did not know who it was.

Jesus said to Mary " woman, why are you weeping and whom are you seeking?". Mary assumed it was the Gardener and said to him " sir, if you have carried him away please tell me and I will take him" Jesus, with a radiant smile on his face, said " Mary". Mary turned and said to Jesus in Hebrew " Rabboni" which means Teacher. Jesus said to Mary " I have not ascended to my father but go and tell my breathren that I will be.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Lynda Lee Schab 
06/07/05
Good attempt at retelling the scene at the tomb that Easter morning. My advice would be to lengthen the piece and give it more character. Maybe more descriptive details of what you think Mary must have been feeling that morning, instead of just retelling the story in a factual way. Think of a new aspect and expand on it, such as why Mary possibly thought Jesus was the gardener. "Show, don't tell" advice has been given to many, many writers. I think that is what you need here. Instead of just relaying facts, maybe try to "show" the scene with more description and feeling.
Keep writing!
Blessings, Lynda
dub W
06/09/05
What a wonderful story to retell and in a creative way. A little work and you are on your way.
Shari Armstrong 
06/10/05
A nice start - it could be expanded a bit..