Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Embarrassed (07/19/07)
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TITLE: Eyes of Mercy | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sarah D
07/26/07 -
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Oh God.
It was happening. She was dying. Everything around her was coming to a blurred standstill, her body escaping earthly confinement as if entering some new state of consciousness. Every element of pain vanished and she was no longer lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Her surroundings were replaced by a glorious forest, an expanse of green stretching further than her optical abilities.
No doubt about it; she was dead.
But where were the angels? What about the saints, the singing, the rejoicing?
Was this it? She’d made one bad choice and now an eternity of paying, remorse and torture, lay before her? Eternity without God? What about the other choice she’d made? The one that, until lately, defined her life.
Panicked, Katie looked down at herself. She was dressed as she’d been the night of the accident. What did that mean?
She wasn’t hearing any gnashing teeth, no wails or screams. So maybe she still had time. Maybe she could find a way back into God’s kingdom. He forgave, didn’t He?... Except if she’d run out of time.
Jesus! It was a silent cry, a plea for mercy, forgiveness, a way back. At first she heard nothing. Then she knew. It was too late.
Her knees grew weak and she allowed them to lower her to the ground. Hell? She was going to hell? She’d said the words out loud but all she heard was the mocking refrain of silence. Not even a leaf rustled.
It was then she felt it. A hand upon her shoulder.
She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Was this where she got judged? Or could there…? Hope welled up within her and she turned around, falling face down before Him.
“Katie,” was all He said. She knew He meant for her to get up and so she stood.
“Jesus…” she wanted to cry and plead for mercy but the words wouldn’t form on her lips. All of a sudden, she was aware of every sin, every shortcoming, every time she’d let Him down. Every day she’d chosen a magazine instead of her Bible, anger instead of love. It was all returning now and she knew her unworthiness, her filthiness before the Holy God.
She couldn’t look into His face, though she longed for nothing more. She felt drawn to Him, compelled to run into His arms, but after pushing Him aside, she knew His outstretched arms were no longer meant for her.
From what she could make of it, His robe was spotless and bright, whiter than snow. There was a radiance about Him, a cleanliness like nothing she’d ever known. Her head hung and her eyes dropped to something red dribbling down the sleeve of her shirt. Blood.
Why hadn’t she noticed before how dirty her clothes were? How dirty she was. Oh, if only He wouldn’t notice. Maybe He could look past her abhorrence, past her sin…
Finally, she forced herself to speak, above the swelling lump in her throat. Her voice sounded vulgar, her statements weak and unconvincing. “I shouldn’t have gone to that party. Or had that drink…Or let Taylor drive.”
The lump grew bigger. “But I loved You… I still do.”
His voice was beautiful and strangely familiar, like a gentle river rushing into the ocean. “I haven’t heard from you in a long time.”
Katie swallowed and hot tears burned in her eyes, flooding them with shame.
“But I’m glad you’ve come,” He finished, taking her hand in His. Her heart was drumming wildly in her chest, threatening to burst and spill its frivolous contents.
Her hand felt warm in His, safe and protected. Then she felt something wet on her palm. She glanced down. Again, she saw drops of blood trickling against her skin.
She was still bleeding from the accident. Defiling Him.
She felt Him look down at her hand, then to the shoulder with the bloodstain. A mixture of shame and fear washed over her. How much could He forgive? The One who hated sin, Holy and pure - blemished by her.
Finding courage, she met His gaze and found His eyes. Eyes of mercy.
“Not your blood,” He said. “But Mine.”
There was no shame now. Only rejoicing.
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