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It's been noted for decades that parental relationships act as models for how children interact with others in the future. A child's formation of thoughts, attitudes, tendencies, perception, and outlook can all be determined by the nature of the connection they share with their parents. If children are exposed to absent, abusive or aggressive parenting, they, in turn, are more likely to recreate those models in their own interactions with people. This social science truth is even more critical in the father to daughter relationship. There is nothing more special than the bond shared between a loving father and his little girl. This bond must be established and strengthened overtime to ensure she will possess the optimism and fortitude to meet the challenges and opportunities in her future.
This proverbial truth is about much more than teaching a child how to distinguish right from wrong. It's really about taking the time to help your child form positive character traits that will shape their lives for years to come. This is especially important for daughters.
Research has shown that the quality of the bond between fathers and daughters is a predictor of how she will communicate, trust, and connect with others in the future. One way of looking at it is that girls learn to create secure attachments with their dads first, which allows them to then have more positive relationships with their mates later. Men, consider that for a moment! Each interaction you are having with your daughter is shaping the way she will communicate and trust her mate in the future.
Therefore, ask yourself the following questions:
1. How often do you tell your daughter she is smart?
2. When is the last time you told her she was beautiful?
3. How often do you pray with her?
4. Do you hold your daughter's hand as the two of you walk in the mall, park or on a sidewalk?
5. When is the last time you reviewed her homework and helped reinforce what she learned in school?
A genuine friendship understands that sometimes anyone can have a bad day and need personal space to assess, rest, and regain their energy. This is critical to fostering a healthy father/daughter relationship. Dads must allow their daughters the breathing room to relax and reconnect with the outside world. At the same time, fathers should remain available to receive her when she’s ready to reconnect with her dad. Another aspect of a true friendship is celebrating her success. Fatherhood gives many opportunities to be happy when something wonderful happens to your daughter. It’s important that daughters receive adulation from their dads. It helps to build up self-esteem and personal confidence.
Lastly, the father to daughter friendship does require a degree of “respect for personal privacy”. Fathers must understand that daughters need the freedom to create their own “world”. There are certain things that are just her personal business. If the father/daughter friendship is genuine and strong, she will eventually share anything inconsistent with how she was raised.
As I write this article, I realize that many daughters do not have a father. This is the reality of life. However, I firmly believe what I’ve shared can apply to mothers acting as fathers as well. On the other hand, if the father is present and active in his daughter’s life, I ask that he remember the magnitude of the responsibility he has for shaping her future.
It’s an extraordinary responsibility, which requires a deep special bond.
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I am writing a book now, and dedicate several sections to this topic.
God, help men step into the responsibilities you prepared in advance for them. Help them want to grow beyond themselves, to see the beauty in their daughters. Let them find salvation, amen!