Women
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Phoebe rushed down the stairs to her husband, ‘honey, I’m not a girl anymore’! she exclaimed. Tony looked at her blankly, trying to figure out what his 40 year old wife just said while his eyes followed the football game between rival teams. He mumbled something back to her and she imagined that it meant he couldn’t multi-task. Phoebe was puzzled. She had come a long way but didn’t realise it was this long. The other day, her girlfriends came round to see her and her toddler who was slightly under the weather. The ladies arrived, it was a rendezvous as the children on all sides sorted themselves out by age and found a convenient spot to do their own ‘thing’ in her apartment. In the kitchen were Phoebe and her friends. They started chinwag after chinwag and enjoyed every moment giggling like 8 year olds. It was first about wigs then false eye-lashes, then acrylic nails and then foundations and lipstick shades. Talk soon graduated to partners and kids and how they coped week in week out with the never ending demands of motherhood. They found time to talk about work life too and how politicking stank in the office.
As they chatted all three ladies took care of little Emma while they also baked, cleaned or manned the children running up and down the stairs excitedly. Phoebe said it was almost a year since her 40th birthday and that time seemed to fly by. They then talked about age. Phoebe was the youngest of the three although all three were in their 40s. She was somewhat startled by the number of her age. She still felt like 25 in her mind. ‘Although like a very experienced 25 year old’, she said jokingly. One of her friends reminded her being 25 was actually 15 years ago. Phoebe, who was sharing the hot sponge cake among the children stopped in her tracks, you mean this feeling is a 15 years ago feeling? ‘I’m I stuck in the past’? she wondered aloud, her friends nodded in unison. ‘sure you are girl’ chirped the older one. Phoebe had never worried about aging. In fact, unlike many other ladies, she embraced her 40th birthday and basked in the attention showered by her girlfriends on the day. She had eaten out with friends but it was so special to her and she felt like a princess. Just how she felt 30 years ago at her 10th birthday party.
Today’s date was 29th November, and being a date freak, Phoebe’s mind went off like an alarm clock. She knew it was some anniversary of some sort. She had tried to work it out all day until the eureka moment when she rushed downstairs to her husband. That day marked 28 years of starting her period. She remembered clearly what happened on the day. She had been looking forward to the day she would become a ‘woman’. She had started acting like one although she still often got the disapproving glance from her mother who detested and would not tolerate any sort of un-lady-like behaviours. It was a short break from school and she ran around the house playing with cousins, friends and her younger siblings. Then they had settled in front of the old TV to enjoy a programme. Phoebe felt a tug in her lower belly and then a twist in her lower back. She had felt a bit weird and thought she might just be catching a flu. Then something seemed to release the conflicting wires in her body. She sighed and down trickled ‘something’. She stopped chewing, stopped giggling, stopped breathing and stayed like a mannequin for a second. What was that? She thought? Suddenly came flooding to her real senses, the lessons in the integrated science class and the home economics class joke. She was barely 10 when she made herself the object of a lifelong joke in the home economics class. Phoebe remembered how she argued with the boisterous teacher that no human being could have blood gushing out of their private part for three days except in the case of injury. There was a roar of laughter in the class as she went on citing examples of those who might have sat on a sharp object. The teacher staggered out of the class in stitches. She told every teacher she met on the way about the ignorant and gullible Phoebe. Phoebe felt she was defending the female gender by standing up to the teacher and denouncing such preposterous statement. The laughter rumble went on for a while until the kind integrated science teacher took her aside and explained the whole thing again to her with a poster of the human body. Months after, friend after friend confirmed to her they had started their periods.
Phoebe jolted out of mannequin mode, her heart raced. Her younger brother Bob asked if she was alright? He knew his sister was a bit of a drama queen anyway, so he wasn’t too bothered. Phoebe disappeared into the rest room. She locked the door behind her and slowly pulled her knickers aside and bent over to take a peek. She tried to remember the colour of her knickers, was it red or cream? It dawned on her, that the home economics teacher was right after all. Her friends were right. The integrated science teacher was so right. Her eyes lit up and she screamed for her sister to come. ‘Florence, Florence, come and see’, the whole company of cousins, friends and Florence came running, all alarmed that she might have seen an alien bug in the rest room. Phoebe shooed them all off and dragged her sister in. ‘Flo, see!’ she said, wide-eyed. Florence yelped with joy and then she broke into a dance. She called for their mother. Who was somewhat old-school and a traditional Baptist. She flashed a quick smile but quickly went all serious. ‘Phoebe, now you are a real woman, no more running up and down like you are some little girl. Do you understand? No man must touch you, you must comport yourself from now on, stay away from boys! face your studies and love the Lord. Let others see Christ in you, keep telling the story, be faithful and true..., she went on while Phoebe looked on bewildered.
Mum pulled Phoebe into the room and told her she must be cleaner, have your bath twice a day, change your knickers often, use this pad, dispose it properly, no one else must see your essence. Half of what happened there baffled Phoebe. From the dance from her sister to the lecture from her mum and then a brief hug from Dad. Flo took Phoebe into her room, she told her ‘now you are a woman, you are not a girl anymore’. She then told her sister her own story. She was at aunty Ruby’s then. Aunty Ruby was more gregarious than Mum. Mum is fun but can be very serious at short notice. Flo said aunty Flo made her a special chicken dish. She was celebrated as a star.
Later in school, Phoebe asked her friend what she thought her mum meant by staying away from the boys or not letting a man touch her. Bertie then told her own story. She had started her period six months ago. Her mum had warned her sternly to stay away from boys or else she would get pregnant. Her mum had said she would get pregnant if any boy or man’s body touched hers. Bernie said she steered clear of all males anytime her period was on. However on a particular day, she met one of her old school mate who kind of had a crush on her. They were on the bus ride home and the boy left his seat to sit next to Bernie. Bernie said she moved away quickly but the boy only settled into the empty space next to her. Bernie said she was horrified and jumped out of the bus at the next stop eventhough it was not her stop. She walked another mile home crying profusely. When she got home, she couldn’t tell her Mum what had happened but kept crying. Her Father was called for and she told him privately, that she was pregnant. She said her father was horrified and called for her Mum immediately. It was surely a serious thing. When asked to describe what had happened, amidst her sobs, she could only say Peter sat next to her. In the end, they figured out she hadn’t been raped or molested, she had only taken her mother’s words literally. Phoebe and Bernie laughed over it but Phoebe learnt more when Bernie explained to her what could make her pregnant.
So, these all happened 28 years ago.
It dawned on Phoebe that she wasn’t a girl anymore, she raced back upstairs and called for her ten year old daughter, Suzzie. She repeated the same sentence to her Suzzie, I’m not a girl anymore! Suzzie replied laughing, ‘you’re not a girl mum, you’re a woman, you are old now’. Phoebe tried to tell her what anniversary it was. Suzzie understood and gave her a hug . Phoebe told her for the umpteenth time about periods and what a girl should do when it just starts. ‘You might feel pains in your lower back, or your lower belly, you might feel quiet or sad without any proper causes, you could feel all achy or frustrated but you must talk to your mum about things like this or a responsible adult if mum is not around, you must have your bath twice in the day, you must wipe clean and use your perfume after changing soaked pads, you must not let any man touch you... she paused and looked into her girl’s face.
She seemed to understand or did she not? No, how come she and Bernie did not understand 28 years ago? She then decided to unleash the real talk. Do you know how a baby is formed? Let me tell you...it was a good discussion. Down to earth and revealing. After this, Phoebe reminded her of Romans 12.1, her mother had passed this on to her and it had always been a reminder of who she was, her identity in Christ. What does it mean to be a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable on to God? How do you present your bodies to God? There was so much to say and Phoebe decided it was time for another mum and daughter’s day out. Its usually a day of indulgence. Girly, chocolatey yet filled with some serious wisdom hand over from past generations to present
So, 28 years of being a ‘woman’ had just happened. Phoebe had learnt so much and now can teach younger women how to live through the bizarre days of blood tickling and flowing fast out of their bodies. The days of unexplained depression and hormonal outbursts. No one can comprehend it without having had an experience for themselves. Phoebe rededicated her years of experience as a woman to mentoring younger women, starting from her very own Suzzie to other Suzzies in her community and entire world. It would be nice to gather stories of womanhood and share the good and the bad times while reminding them of the love and faithfulness of God.
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