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10 minutes with Sepp Blatter in Zurich
It is not every day that you receive that call to crush a private jet to Zurich but that is exactly what happened to me. It was 19:11 GMT, after I had consumed my favorite local delicacy, “Mpotonpoto” when the call came through from my chief editor. Apparently, he had tried reaching me all day, but to no avail. I was off duty and off course it was a good opportunity to catch some quality time with my “ special nkoso,” I had this hunch that I might be summoned to work even during my off duty hours so I took an intentional decision to place a big sign post at my door, “No Disturbances” as I placed all my communication devices under solitary confinement. When I finally decided it was time to reconnect with the world, the first thing I saw was fifty missed calls and ten unread messages. As I began to ponder on what might have necessitated all these calls, the phone began to buzz, I look up and to my expectation it was Kwaku Job, my chief editor. “Sarpong,” he screamed, “where have you been.” “Get your working gear and a travelling bag, meet me at Kotoka right away, it now 19:11GMT, be there before 20:00 GMT.” Before I could even ask why, the phone went dead. This wasn’t the first time he had dropped such bomb on me. He did the same when I interviewed Vladimir Putin at the Kremlin five years ago and the “Methuselah of African leaders,” Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe some months ago. I was clear in my mind; our proposed interview with Sepp had been given the green light. To make a long story short, I found myself on an almost empty plane with my editor, few Swiss football officials and Julius Malema who later informed me he was headed to Zurich for a conference. Yes, your guess is as good as mine, Malema and I shared few jokes about Jacob Zuma and his insufferable interest in young ladies. We also spoke at length about his presidential ambition, and world politics, that story is for another day. After almost nine hours of being airbound, we finally landed at the Kloten Airport in Zurich. I had had enough rest and sleep and was poised to meet the “Mugabe of World Soccer” right away but upon arrival at the plush Dolder Grand Hotel, my chief editor informed me that the interview had been moved to Friday, 29th June after the FIFA Congress. The news of the indictment of some FIFA executives had engulfed all the TV networks as I hurriedly flipped through the channels; finally I located my favorite network, discovery channel and as I lay in that sofa trying to make sense of what I was watching, I realized how fun it could have been had my Bosibori been with me on this trip.
Finally, the moment we all waited for was at hand, the meeting was to be held at Blatter’s conference room in Zurich and the ten minutes allotted us was all we could secure. I muttered to myself, who would travel thousands of miles simply to have a 10 minutes conversation with Blatter but there was nothing I could do about it because Blatter was a “hottest cake” everyone wanted to have a bite off at that moment.
G. K. Sarpong: Congratulations on winning a 5th term Mr. Blatter. My people prefer to refer to you as the “Mugabe of World Soccer”, does that worry you in any sense especially at the backdrop that you make a public statement you would not to seek a 5th term?
Blatter: Thank you G. K. I have met Mugabe on a number of occasions; he is a fantastic gentleman, sorry I mean man, no, pardon me, old man. I think he has been in power for 28 years if my memory serves me right, comparisons with Mugabe is absolutely out of place, perhaps you have to wait till I win my tenth term then we can talk about that.
G. K. Sarpong: I have only ten minutes to interview you so I shall be very quick and straightforward. Have you ever considered the possibility of spending the rest of your life in a US federal prison or probably facing prosecution in the US after the recent arrests?
Blatter: Let me tell you this young man, allegations by US officials are all a part of a grand scheme to get me out. What is the problem? They just seem not to get over the fact that Russia and Qatar out-bribed them for the bid to hold the World Cup. Spending time in a US federal prison will not take place. Who said we have no prisons in Switzerland. Anyways I am not guilty of crime as far as I am concerned.
G. K Sarpong: Why didn’t you apply the similar measures you applied to the Nigerian government when they interfered in the activities of their Federation? Kick the English and United States out of FIFA. All countries are considered equal in the eyes of FIFA right?
Blatter: You don’t understand G. K. There is power but there is real power. For now all I can do is to ensure that neither the US nor the English hold any World Cup event until I die. I am prepared to fight off any attempts to put us in a bad light.
G. K. Sarpong: Should I take it to mean that you intend to remain in power until you die as Issa Ayatou, President of CAF has also alluded to? And anyways, what make positions at the football federations so attractive that everybody seems not to want to let go once they get in?
Blatter: I can’t really speak for the “African Idol,” but he also seems to be on a lifetime mission of presidency himself. We actually share a lot in common. I would say that working at the Football Federation is one of the best environments to work. Firstly, it is extremely lucrative, then the cocktails and then the women. Who doesn’t want this in life? If it wasn’t for the recent arrests by US authorities, nobody could have dared challenged FIFA but I am sure we shall deal with this issue soon.
G. K Sarpong: Going back to history, would you have done something different about the decision to award the World Cup to Russia and Qatar? Especially at the backdrop of severe criticisms you have received over the years and the recent investigations.
Blatter: Off course, I would. For the love of the game and my position. I think the English and US should have been awarded the world event. They are the most competent people to hold such tournaments. Don’t you think so?
G. K. Sarpong: I would disagree with you on that. There have been lots of talks about development of soccer in Africa under your leadership but in my country Ghana, it seems the situation is very different and absolutely backward. What is happening in Ghana, or our case is simply quite unique?
Blatter: This is partly why many people think I am corrupt. I shall get in touch with your president and take a keen interest in what you have said. I think your FA Chairman is Olluwa Johnson. I will contact him but I do not think your case is different, trust me.
G. K. Sarpong: For someone who just won a fifth term to lead FIFA, it seems you have a bad memory. My FA president is Kwesi Nyantakyi…. Don’t you think it is time to retire, looking at your age? My final question; I overheard that your FIFA career has outlived all your three marriages. You seem to have a sophisticated interest in changing “nkosos.” Do you mind visiting me in Ghana later for some “Alomo Bitters.” By the way, Alomo Bitters is the “Monprivato” of Ghana’s alcohol industry.
Blatter: Even though I am 78, the side attraction never goes away. I do not change nkosos because I want to. When you are FIFA President, the nkosos come after you and hell I would love to blow some Alomo Bitters with you later in the year. Sorry I missed Kwesi’s name, you know I deal with a lot of people. On the issue of retiring, I bet I have to talk to Mugabe first. When he advices me to retire, you shall be the first to know.
G. K Sarpong: Thank you Mr. Blatter for your time. I have a special plaque for you, it’s called the “Yentie Obiaa President.”
Blatter: Thank you G. K. for taking time and thanks for the Yentie Obiaa plaque. I really appreciate it. Good Day!!!
Satire Written by
By G. K. Sarpong,
Email: [email protected]
Author of books Answers to Life’s Foundational Questions, Develop the Master in You and Building Success found on Amazon at,
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