Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Pen and Paper (07/17/14)
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TITLE: The Note. The Journey | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dave Walker
07/24/14 -
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Life is meaningless. God, where are You? I can't forget your face, Robbie. I'm coming to you, my child. I'll be .. It was unfinished.
She caught her breath. Her fingers raked the leaves, searching, searching for clues. She lifted it, wiping it urgently. A pen. Did she (he?) drop everything and flee?
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Everything was dark. Dark curtains; black bedcover; dim light through lowering clouds.
Appropriate for my last day. John sat on the bed. The pills beckoned... portals to peace. No more sweating, shouting nights, waking with a vision of that little distorted face, that body entangled in twisted metal. Not after tonight.
"Turn to God," they said, but where was He that day? In the heart of the drunken lout behind the wheel? And where now, in his pain?
He attempted to write again. The woods were too close to nature -- to life. A cold motel was better.
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"I found this pen next to it." Sue passed it round her friends.
"It's from The Sleepy Driver. Where's that?"
The note still haunted, even after her friends left.
"Dad, d'you know a motel called The Sleepy Driver?"
"Who'd call their motel that?"
"We must find it. Someone's heart's breaking. I think she's there."
"There are lots of broken hearts, Honey. We can't fix them all."
"But this note."
"Someone's been jilted, that's all."
"It's my birthday, Dad."
"Yes. You enjoyed your treasure hunt?"
"A birthday favour. Pleeeze."
Sigh. "Get in the car."
Like a twisted serpent, distorted through the rivulets down the widscreen, the road lit momentarily with each lightning flash.
"This is a big favour, Sue."
"Thanks, Daddy. Please hurry?"
-------------- o ----------
John sat on the bed, the pills beckoning.
The pen and paper lay on the table. This letter was more direct... God, are you really there?. I guess I'll know soon. Lucy believed in you. But You took her and left me with Robbie. Now he's gone too. I miss them so much.. There's nothing left.
The room lit brilliantly and the building shook in its foundations.
Is this such a big deal, God, that You send the lightning to my door?
He gulped down the pills, as father and daughter peered at the entrance sign.
They rushed to the reception.
"D'you have anyone staying here who seems depressed?"
The old man scratched his head and thought for a while. "Well, there's Bailey in No 24. If I'd a wife like him I'd be wantin' to slit ma throat."
"No, no. A single person. A depressed single person?"
Glorious oblivion. I can feel it coming. Didn't know my heart would race so, though.
The old man went into a reverie.
"Old Pete. Bin comin' fer years. Cheerful soul.... Not him. Quiet man in No 16. John. You could try him."
Susan was first into the room. She rushed to John, while her dad read the note.
From far away John heard a girl's voice. "John. You must listen to me. I don't know if we can save you, but listen. You must give your life to Jesus. Jesus is the way to God. He died for your sins."
That's what Lucy said.
"John, if you can hear me, call out to Jesus in your heart. Acknowledge that you're a sinner."
That's true, Jesus.
"Thank You for dying for me."
Really? For me? Thank You, Jesus.
"Please forgive my sins. Come into my life."
Her father called 911. "Yes. Critical. Unconscious"
Forgive me, Jesus, even for taking my life. Please, come into my heart.
Lightning flared brilliantly and the place shook as Jesus filled John with his radiance.
From the corner of the room, he watched Susan's father giving CPR to his corpse, while Susan beat her fists and called out to God.
With unspeakable joy, he turned and faced Jesus. Beyond Him, running to greet him, were Lucy and Robbie.
Note: This story was inspired by the movie The Perfect Wave: A true story of Ian MacCormack who was stung by box jellyfish, gave his life to Jesus as he was dying, was certified dead in the hospital and met Jesus. He was then given the chance to return.
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Excellent writing.
God bless~