The Official Writing Challenge
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Riveting.. from the flow of Immortal blood, to the beginning of forever. Excelant story line and vision of the end time battle to come.. Kepted me peeled.. Great job..
I enjoyed the powerful imagery in this piece. How I long for the "beginning of forever!" Thank you for putting it into words so skillfully.
Wow! Terrific images and action that kept me enthralled. Wonderfully written.
Captivating...intense with imagery and truth. You kept me all the way through anticipating the next sentence. Simply marvelous. Come Lord Jesus Come.
Agreeing with others -- this was a masterful depiction of the end of the age. You asked for critique -- shredding it to pieces. Well, I'm hardly qualified, but I did notice a couple small things:

"I knew what it must of felt like to be Judah Maccabeus, so outnumbered, yet filled with such zest for his people and his city." This likely should have been changed to "I knew what it must have felt like ... yet filled with such zeal for his people and his city."

These may be more personal preference, but I felt it would be fair to point these out should you decide to build on this story or submit it for publication. God bless you ... you're a talented and imaginative writer. :)