The Official Writing Challenge
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I like this. So much tension and detail--and even a surprising twist--in such a small piece. I remained captured in the story. Such a great message without sounding preachy. And I got a kick out of the message ticker just below your article: "If you were to die today..." How awesome is that?

My only regret is that I'm left wondering what is was that Darla was afraid of, and if she ever found out.
Captivating beginning to end! Great job on this!
I’d love to have your input into the free writing lessons available on the FaithWriters forums. This week’s lesson is on writing devotionals, and next week will cover writing on topic for the weekly challenge. Look for it at, or if you’re on Facebook, you can “like” Faithwriters Writing Lessons.
I loved this! It was as a mini-series in my minds-eye. Intense, dramatic and believable. Well done...loved the ending!

God bless~
Oohhh this is intense. I have goosebumps on my arms. You did a wonderful job of making the characters feel real. I noticed some tiny things like missing words or commas and (in my opinion) this line: She finally broke the silence. should have gone before the dialog since she's breaking the silence before she finished the line. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right, but it felt out of order to me. Those are little things, that I suspect are due to waiting until near the deadline. I do that all the time. :-) Your story really shows the intensity and how it's never too late to ask Jesus to intervene. I also think you did a good job of weaving the topic throughout the story. Great job.
Congratulations on ranking 24 overall!