Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Beginning and End (04/16/09)
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TITLE: The Composition | Previous Challenge Entry
By Rachel Burkum
04/23/09 -
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Suddenly, the orchestra comes alive as a beam of light shatters the darkness. The notes thunder through the air, making those who listen tremble. The pounding of the timpani reverberates from east to west, announcing the arrival of a spinning sphere - the handiwork of God.
Stars, moons, planets and galaxies...they gather to hear the music play. The grass of the field waves to the beat, and the trees bow to their Maker. Birds and fish, cattle and insects - all hear the song as the gentle breeze blows. It is the whisper of the Lord.
The stringed instruments begin to raise the tension of the song as new beings are introduced. They are the most precious creations, made in the likeness of God Himself. A flute solo sings a sweet tune. It is the love and bond between Creator and creation.
A page is turned, and the symphony quiets. All seems well. But darkness rises behind the scene, ready to strike at the precisely-timed moment. The cymbals clash, the drums roar and the earth shakes to its core. Something is wrong. There is chaos across the stage. Notes fly in every direction, hurled with force through the woodwinds and harps.
And then...it is still. A sad oboe tells of the separation - the nightfall without a hope of sunrise. Slowly, chords rise again, the instruments bringing back order to the notes. It is a steady tune, but bland and empty. Something is missing. Restoration is incomplete.
Oh, but then the sounds, the beautiful sounds! A joyous French horn rings out clear. It is the announcement of the One who can bring harmony - the One sent by his Father to produce order once again.
The instruments rejoice. They blend together in sweet and festive song, the voices from Heaven joining the melody of ultimate love.
But the darkness lurks again. The minor notes hide behind the volume, infiltrating the scene. When least expected, they spring forth through the screeching violins. A chilled wind blows across the stage. The drums beat an angry tempo, driving fear and pain into the souls of the audience. The only remnant of the Son so loved is the shadow of an empty cross.
Grief-stricken, the melody suffers, forced and pulled into the open against the will of the strings. Tears mingle with the foreboding sounds. Hope seems out of reach and the world is dark once again.
But for those who wait, the gong strikes three. The darkness shrieks with a clamor of sour notes, chased offstage by the horns and bells. He has risen! He is alive! No shadow can remain. Prophecy fulfilled, the instruments play on. It is time. Time to live with a new law in place. Time to look to the golden horizon for soon...soon will be the glorious end.
The clock ticks relentlessly as the stage grows tired. The notes march on, weariness hanging on each measure - each turn of the page. The bells grow dim, the piano flat and hollow. But they must play...they must be heard...they must resist the unleashed darkness that swallows the weak, one by one.
And then...a glimmer, far in the distance. A hush falls over the orchestra as anticipation rises. Is it time? Yes! There He is! The trumpets break forth with vigor set free. All of the brass and strings breathe new life as the crescendo builds and builds until the heavens and earth shake. Singing blends with the instruments and tears of joy rain down.
From the void of darkness to the eternal light, the final measures play. Yet when the end of the song is reached, the Conductor turns one more page. Another composition beyond all imagination awaits.
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If I'm allowed to red ink it... I thought the last third got a bit heavy. In the first part you changed the focus at times (talking of grass waving etc,) while towards the end you focused almost entirely on the music. The actions played out on the world stage were only mentioned second. Also you started a lot of sentences with 'but' which became a bit same-ish. So stylistically I felt it floundered a bit.
Having said all that, this is the kind of expression of God's handiwork that I often feel deep within, but invariably fail to put into words! So sincerely, hats off to you!
I have already tucked this masterpiece in my treasure chest.
I'll be in touch with some interview questions for you.
Wear that crown proudly! :-)
Very creative and artistic!
Sincerely,
Paulette Rogers
Blessing and honor to the One who has given you the prophetic voice to trumpet a story with such passion and glamour. A truely remarkable piece that should be in print for all who have eyes to see and ears to hear. Glory to God the Father for bringing to us this magnificant writing.
God bless you and increase your gift to His body.
Congratulations!
I had just finished reading your poem, "Breath of God" given to me at our last Southwest Iowa Writers Guild meeting when the FaithWriters email came up. Congratulations onwinning the BOB contest.I'm not surprised your piece won, having read your novel and the poem. The beauty in your eyes and in your writing is beholding God the way you do.
What an awsome piece of work.
I only pray that some day I might be able to write what you throw away.
I don't know yet how to critque writing, but I know when something is GREAT.
Thank you for sharing your God given gift.
Kurt
-Dan Johnson
God bless you forever...Amen
Sorry I'm late with this. I'm breathless. I'm speechless. Oh, my!
Wishing you continued success with your writing, I loved reading your first three novels--what a treat!
I'm new to writing... you set the bar very very high! Thank you for that.
What a gift you have, thanks for sharing it.
Wow!
In all, awesome and inspiring!
Sonia Gray
May I begin by saying that though your writing was beautiful, I do have one critique. WHY? WHY? would this be my first read during my first 24 hours on this site? Just kidding! WOW! I am so very excited to be here and have the opportunity to have writers of your caliber critique my work!
I only know that this is an expression of love to the Lord.
What a beautiful peice of writing. The kind of praise the Lord deserves. Your love of music was put to such wonderful purpose. Congratulaions to the writer and praise the Lord!
I only know that this is an expression of love to the Lord.
What a beautiful peice of writing. The kind of praise the Lord deserves. Your love of music was put to such wonderful purpose. Congratulaions to the writer and praise the Lord!
Congratulations. I look forward to seeking out more of your work.