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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Cross (as in the Cross of Christ) (08/17/06)
What is all the commotion? They disturb my sleep. Opening one eye slightly I see the guards bringing up another prisoner.

The throbbing cramp in my muscles begs me to stretch but I cannot move. How long was I unconscious- an hour, a day? Time has lost its significance.

Now more noise- shouting and crying.

“Hey, keep it down. Let a man suffer in peace” I shouted. No one paid attention to me.

Just so. Why should now be any different. It has been that way my entire life- always the odd man out. Consistently taunted and never taken seriously because I was smaller, less attractive and less educated than most. Well… I showed them, didn’t I? I proved to them all just what I was capable of.

I had my fifteen minutes of infamy. And look where it landed me.

Not one person came to speak in my behalf at the trial- not even my own mother had any kind words. So be it.

They could not break me before and I will not falter now. I will show everyone. With my final breath I will set this world straight on just who they were dealing with.

I venture another glance at the newcomer. He must have really caused some detriment to society by the looks of him. The wounds are fresh so it must have been the guards that gave him such a beating. The crimes that secured for me the death sentence earned me a thrashing, but nothing like this.

I take a longer look. There is something about this man. I have never seen him before, but deep inside me blazes a profound hatred.

Lack of sufficient sleep and nourishment may have weakened my body, but not my will. I relax my eyes again, but the image of this man does not go away.

Now I hear the clang of hammer against spike. What are they doing? I have never witnessed a man nailed to a tree. Now they raise his cross and drop it unnecessarily into the ground, but he makes no sound.

I hear the crowd below call him Jesus. I hear guards laugh and call him king of the Jews.

“Hey, King? Son of God? If this is true then call down an army from the sky to free yourself- and free us while you are at it.” I jeer loudly. “Get on with it. What is the matter- King?” I laugh though it wrenches my damaged throat.

“Shut up. Leave him alone. You and I deserve death. We have earned it. This man has done nothing wrong.” The other condemned thief chastises me.

I try to respond to his impudence but my lips are suddenly sealed- as if they are not my own. I watch angrily, helplessly as these two engage in meaningless babble.

“My Lord, forgive me. Son of the one true, living God, mention me favorably to your Father.”

“I tell you for certain… because of your faith… you and I will walk the streets of heaven together… before the sun rises tomorrow.”

I need to scream- to tell the other thief what a fool he is to believe such nonsense. This man hanging between us is obviously insane- living a fantasy of his own making. I have lived in the real world- the merciless world of hate, vengeance and lies. There is no truth, no mercy or salvation, especially from this pathetic excuse of a man. The hatred swells surging through my veins like boiling oil. I flail at the ropes. I feel I will explode if I do not release these screams of rage. Still my throat is mute.

“Forgive them Father… they do not know what they are doing.”

Forgive? His words sear my thoughts. I need no forgiveness. I need a knife to cut myself free. I need a swift horse. This is what I need.

“My God, my God- why have you forsaken me?”

At last I hear the man called Jesus cry out in pain. King of the Jews, pah! I would spit if my mouth would obey. He is not extraordinary after all- just a man. ‘See, I told you he was nothing.’ My mind shouts silently.

“It is finished!”

I watch his head drop in mortal silence.

Instantly my mind is ablaze with the truth.

No! Do not die yet. I now know who you are. Pleeease!

“Aaaaagh. Noooo!”

My tongue is released as I shriek in true, everlasting agony.
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This article has been read 1146 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
08/25/06
You really did a great job with this man's POV--we feel as if we know his soul. The only thing that jarred a bit for me was the use of a few modern idioms (hey, shut up) in a piece that was otherwise true to the times. That's such a minor quibble, though, because you were masterful in your portrayal of this guy's internal monologue. First rate.
Joanne Sher 
08/27/06
Wow - I loved the way you ended this! Great telling from a different perspective. I loved how well you got into this man's head.
Beth Muehlhausen
08/28/06
I feel the intensity:

"The hatred swells surging through my veins like boiling oil. I flail at the ropes."

Good job of "show, don't tell!"

Kevin Kindrick
08/30/06
Wow, wow, wow. There's alot of power in this piece - a lot of real feeling.
Thanks for sharing.

God bless,

Kevin