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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Hope (05/04/06)
All over again

Hope. Her name is both a reflection and a supplication. Hope because we waited eleven years to have her. And Hope because we anticipated that her arrival would bring more babies.

We were mistaken.

The adoption process was smooth. The surgery to remove my numerous fibroids was not. I eased in and out of pain for so many days that I lost count. By the time I became aware of myself, my baby had been home three weeks, cared for by Jeremiah’s mum. Weak as I was, I took over immediately.

It has been five years. Last year, my gynecologist told me there wouldn’t be any natural babies, except adopted like Hope. But I’m used to it now, I guess…most of the time anyway. I have been barren for sixteen years, but now Hope has deadened the pain. She’s my daughter, and I want no other. When she hugs me, which is often, I get a glimpse of heaven.

“Mamee…” she breezes in from the bathroom, her hair tangled and smeared with shampoo.

“Hey, baby.” I reply even as I try to turn away. She’s going to rub soap all over me, and I’m already dressed for work. Pudgy hands grab mine and I smile despite myself.

“The toilet won’t flush, and the floor’s filled with water.” She begins to pat the soap onto her hair. Proper grooming, I think. “Where’s dadee?” she has a unique way of jumping from conversation to conversation, as if all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough to talk.

“Gone to work. Now we’re going to bathe properly.” I have to rush her back into the bathroom and clean her up properly.

“But I’ve…”

“Shh.”

At last we’re done but I’m irreparably late. “Come sweet, let’s get going.”

“I love you, mamee.” She says it every morning. And it still sounds fresh and original.

“I love you too, Hope. More than anything less in the world.”

“You’re hugging too hard.” She laughs and pats my back with her chubby little fingers.

****

Jeremiah sits across the table from me, his fists curled into balls. His eyes are two red slits in his face, and he is not yet done with weeping.

Me? I haven’t been able to cry. I sit rigidly. My heart feels like melting ice and the cold is freezing my toes and tongue.

Didn’t you send someone for her? He had a note signed by you, authorizing him to take her home. Her class teacher had said.

I didn’t send anybody. I never did. Afternoons were our special time together, and I couldn’t have sent someone. I couldn’t.

You have to wait twenty-four hours before you can report. That’s when we regard someone as officially missing. They’d said at the police station.

Didn’t they understand that my only child was missing? A child I’d waited eleven years for?

We can only wait and hope, honey. We can’t lose hope now. Hope will come back home. Mum’s words didn’t make sense to me. Could she wait and hope if I ever got missing? Would she have the patience?

My head is aching now, and my eyes are burning. The tears are struggling for release but I won’t cry. If I start, I’m never going to stop. I rise shakily to my feet. Jeremiah looks up at me but refuses to talk. He hasn’t said a word since he heard his daughter got missing.

“God, please. I love that girl more than life itself. You can’t take her away from me. Hope? Lord, that girl is my only hope.” I walk to where her five-year-old picture stands. Her face is scrunched up in concentration for the camera. A half eaten chocolate bar is partially hidden underneath her dress.

Do as your mother says, I hear so clearly I almost trip, wait and hope in me. In me.

“But…”

No buts.

****

We didn’t sleep at all. Jeremiah is still not talking to anyone but he has stopped crying. Mum’s been in the kitchen all morning but the smell of food nauseates me. My heart still feels like the North Pole. We’ve made our report official at the police station. We’ve contacted all our friends.

We can only wait.

And hope.

The phone rings. My husband and I both lunge for it.

“Let me answer it.” I request and he obliges.

“Hello…”

“Hello, madam. I’m calling from Onilekere police station. It’s about Hope.”
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This article has been read 1113 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Maxx .
05/13/06
Strong writing! Very good! I personally love the ending (but can tell you that 99% of FW will want to stone you for that! lol!) I think the story was great but felt just a touch formal in a few places .. .a bit too structured... didn't quite deliver the emotion fully. And only in a little way. The rest of it was spot on and you'll get more than a few votes, perhaps even place. Great job! (can't wait to see what the others say about your ending! Welcome to the club!)
Val Clark
05/13/06
I think that there's a larger lesson here, a warning to watch where we place our hope. Well written.
Jessica Schmit
05/13/06
I have to agree with Maxx, I loved your ending. You left us (the reader) hoping. You nailed the theme. This story was awesome, unpredictable and dramatic.I was completly surprised when I read that Hope was taken. Great job.
Lynda Schultz 
05/14/06
Sequel, please! Very well done. One little thing that bugged me (so little I am ashamed to mention it) but: "his daughter got missing". I think "went missing" is correct here. But this was great.
Leslie Lamb
05/15/06
I have to agree with Lynda on the grammar - I'm sorry; after 4 years of college, things like that stick out to me. However, from an artistic view point, your story was both eloquent and engaging. Well done!
Joe Moreland
05/16/06
I thought it was a great read...right up until you lost me. There is no way a police force in any civilized city would ever tell someone they had to wait 24 hours in a child abduction case. The first hour is crucial in those circumstances, and, at least here in the U.S. you'd have the local, state and federal authorities all over a case like this as soon as the parents reported the child missing. It seems like a little thing, but it invalidated the rest of the story for me because, from that point on, it was unrealistic to me. Up to there, though, you totally had me. :>)
Karen Treharne
05/16/06
I loved your story. Well-written and compelling to read. The ending was a cliff-hanger and left us hoping for good news. Personally, I need chapter two. You conveyed sorrow and fear and hope with strong, realistic words. Good job.
Folakemi Emem-Akpan
05/17/06
Well Joe. I happen to live in Nigeria and the police would definitely ask you to wait for twenty four hours before you report a missing person, even if that person is a child. Sorry if I lost you but that's how it is here.
Joe Moreland
05/17/06
My mistake. It goes to show that all of us can be ignorant of situations in other parts of the world at times. I was just pointing this out to someone else the other the day, that, sometimes, the biggest challenge for me can be writing in a way that doesn't lose audience from other cultures. I keep forgetting how many on this site are from all over the world, and taking more of a world view approach is something I'm still learning how to do. I apologize if I offended or hurt you in any way with my comment...maybe a line about the Nigerian police being either apathetic to such situations or something to indicate that they are so common(?) that the police are too overwhelmed, would have helped me, as someone who lives in a different world, understand better.