Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Love (04/27/06)
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TITLE: In the hands of men | Previous Challenge Entry
By Helen Paynter
04/30/06 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
To see him; reap the harvest of my lust.
My head is throbbing, feverish; I plead
As my arousal swamps my self-disgust.
His face! It burns with passion and desire,
And in my ear, his urgent whispered sighs.
His lips ignite! My skin is set on fire,
Consuming love is patent in his eyes.
I blend into his arms, my darling boy,
Extend my neck, abandoned to the game,
Surrender to the rising tide of joy,
‘Again, again!’ He blindly wields my name.
His passion spent, he rolls away from me -
But I am soiled by my insanity.
Guilty!
Stone her!
There’s no excuse.
Jesus -
Trap him!
Put her to use.
I stumble to his feet, cast by their greed
To see me reap the harvest of my lust.
My head is throbbing, silently I plead,
But he is slowly writing in the dust.
His face! Reveals compassion but inspires
Dismay that all I am he must despise.
His lips speak peace! My heart is set on fire -
Forgiving love is patent in his eyes.
They blend into the crowd, he’s spoiled their ploy,
My head hangs in embarrassment and shame -
Surrender to the rising tide of joy,
‘Go, sin no more,’ he softly speaks my name.
His message sent, he walks away from me -
And I am whole, restored to sanity.
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This is a knockout piece. You took on the woman's character and emotions marvelously. And it's so richly crammed with skillful description. "...soiled by my insanity"--wow, one tiny phrase, packed full with layers of meaning. For maximum punch, you might want to describe the encounter with Jesus taking her beyond restoration to sanity, into a place she'd never experienced before. Great writing!