Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Inner Strength (04/20/06)
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TITLE: The Feminine Slingshot | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jessica Schmit
04/21/06 -
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Matthew and Jordan Smith, “the terrible twins” as they were most commonly known, weren’t among the excited group. They walked somberly to the door and waited for their mother. A poorly constructed popsicle slingshot dangled in their hands.
“How was Sunday school?” Jan Smith asked after she managed to maneuver her way through the mob of children to her sons.
Matthew looked up at his mom with terror in his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Just take us home.” Jordan echoed.
Oh great, what did they do now. Nothing could be worse than when they decided to glue Martha’s dress to her chair. Or the time Jordan was asked to play Jesus in the Sunday school Christmas play and he came out naked. I remembering him screaming to the teachers escorting him off stage, “I wanted to be exactly like Jesus.”
“Boys,” Jan sighed, “What did you do?”
Two sets of beautiful blue eyes peered up, shocked at such an accusation.
“Mom, we didn’t do anything... We don’t want to talk about it. Can we go home pleeease?”
Jan grabbed the twins Spiderman coats hanging on the coat rack and marched her two sons to the car. By the time they arrived, the entire trio was angry.
“Boys. If I get a call from a parent telling me that one of you…”
“Mom, you have to believe us! We didn’t do anything wrong! “
“Jordan’s right mom.”
Jan let out an exasperated sigh. She glanced in her rear view mirror as she backed out of the church parking lot.
Minutes later they were home.
As the miserable family walked into the house, Jan caught a glimpse of the weapons they were trying to conceal under their shirts.
“Halt! What are you hiding?”
The boys, embarrassed, showed their mom their popsicle slingshot.
“What were you doing with this at Sunday school?”
“Mom, we made it in Sunday school. We learned about David and Goliath.”
“It should really be called Davita and Goliath.” Jordan muttered. Matthew smirked.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Jan replied. A look of confusion spreading across her face.
No answer.
Both boys turned and began walking slowly up the stairs to the bedroom they shared.
The door slammed shut.
What on earth is wrong with those two. Maybe I should phone their teacher. Well, I could always…
Before Jan could finish her thought, the boy’s door opened and out flew Jr. Asparagus.
The door slammed shut again.
Now Jan was thoroughly confused. She walked up the stairs, grabbed the stuffed toy and gently knocked on the door.
“Boys, can I come in.”
“I guess so.” Came the muffled responses.
Jan opened the door and stepped inside. Both boys were sitting on the bed. The Bible was opened to Genesis. They had their eyes glued to the pages.
“What are you boys reading?”
“We’re trying to find the story of Daniel, you know, from the Lion’s Den. We want to see if he was a girl.”
Jan tried to muffle her giggle.
“Boys. Daniel was a man. You know that.”
Jordan looked up, his chin quivering, “You also told us that David was a boy, but that was a lie!”
Jan looked at her boys. Both had their arms crossed and were giving her the evil eye. She had no idea how to respond to this accusation.
“Boys, David was a boy. He was never a girl. What makes you think that David was a girl?”
“Miss Graham told us today that David was a girl.” Matthew replied confidently.
“Are you sure she said that?” Jan inquired.
“Yep. She said that David had incredible strength. She said God gave David the muscle strength to beat up those bears and it was in her strength that made David a great King. She said her strength! Her meaning David! That’s why we hate Jr. Asparagus. Jr. played “Dave” in that VeggieTales movie about David and Goliath. Why would anyone want to play a girl? That’s gross.”
Jan looked at Matthew and then at Jordan. Why on earth…In her strength, in…inner strength!
A smile crossed Jan’s face.
“Boys, you know when I’ve talked to you about the importance of listening carefully?”
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So, you've developed your characters, you've placed us in the scene, you've given good flow to the piece - my critique is that the point of view isn't quite specific enough. You seemed to start in Miss Graham's POV, and then shifted to the mom's.
Love the fun, creative take on the topic!