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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Space (01/23/06)
Leticia looked up into the crystal desert night, counting angels, her grandmother nearby.

The tires of the pick-up truck gouged through the windswept gullies of the ranchero, throwing out rocks and debris. She fought against the wheel, trying to keep on the washboard road. The beams of her headlights vanished into the openness. She felt small, insignificant, powerless. Tears on her lashes blurred and twisted the falling starlight, obscuring the coyotes and mule deer that hid among the shadows. “Hurry, please hurry.”

She hoped to meet the paramedics at the highway.


“Why do you cry so much, Letti?” her grandmother had once asked. “You have a Comforter to bear your sorrows.”

Leticia turned toward the window. The barren land of their home tumbled forever in all directions. She waved her arm, then let it drop. “God doesn’t know where to find me, Nana.”

“Don’t fool yourself.” Her grandmother wiped floured hands on an apron made of old pinto bean sacks. “He’s always with us, even out here.” She gathered the teenager close. “Your Mama and Papa would want you to move on. Throw out the hurt. Make room for God.”

“It aches ... I feel alone.”

“May God send you angels when you need them, child. Real angels.”


She drove as much by memory as by sight. Another mile. She scanned the highway below for the flashing of emergency lights, an ambulance or fire truck en route, a squad car, waiting. Nothing. Only the black ribbon that stretched the fifty-plus miles to Phoenix. “Where are they? God, please.” Her foot pressed harder onto the accelerator.


“Letti!” Her grandmother’s voice had been sharp, tinged with uncertainty and pain. It had come from the darkened bedroom she’d shared for sixty-two years with her childhood sweetheart before he died the prior winter.

Leticia sat upright, eyes wide, throat tight. Something was wrong. The floor felt cold to her bare feet as she stumbled down the hallway. She pushed open the door. From the darkness the sound of wheezing crept along the baseboards, feeble and weak. “Nana?” A nightlight sputtered against the wall. “Did you call? Is everything ok?”

There was no reply.

Leticia flipped the light switch, shading her eyes from the sudden glare. A figure lay crumpled on the floor, draped under the flowers of a worn nightgown. “Nana!” She knelt, checking for a pulse, tears flooding her eyes. “No! Don‘t leave.”


The tires spun, losing traction in the wash. She straightened and accelerated. “A little farther. They‘ll be waiting.“

Her grandmother lay in the reclined passenger seat, each bump and curve tossed her limp frame like a rag doll. A finger twitched and her eyes creased opened. Her voice was haunting, distant, scarcely more than a whisper. “Angels. Do you see?”

Leticia jumped, her mouth dry. “Nana?” They liked to sit outside, staring into the night sky, pretending the airliners that crisscrossed the firmament were angels that provided heavenly aid when most needed. “No, they’re only airplanes, not angels. You don‘t see angels. You can‘t —.” Her voice faltered and she took her grandmother’s hand. “We’re meeting the ambulance. Don’t leave me.”

“I’m going home to be with your Mama.”

Emergency lights flickered in the distance. “Wait, Nana.” She pointed. “They’re almost here.”

“It’s my time to go, Letti.” She choked and coughed. “You have so much life ahead. Live it ... for your Mama and Papa. For me. For Jesus.” A weak smile pushed the corners of her mouth. “Give up your sorrow, let God move into that hollow space in your heart.” Her eyes closed, hand falling wilted.

“No!” The truck skidded to a stop, Leticia moved across the cab. She caressed the dying face with trembling fingers. “I love you.” She wept, burying her eyes in the faded flowers.


Leticia stared up into the crystal desert night, counting angels …

… at least she wanted them to be angels, prayed they were. They arced across the heavens high above her, seeming to scrape the boundary between sky and eternity. Airliners, carrying people away, always away. She wondered if Nana was on one. Maybe her parents as well.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

“You‘re all I’ve got left, God. Help me.”

Red and blue lights flashed about her. Beyond them she saw angels.
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This article has been read 1980 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Crista Darr
01/31/06
Excellent piece of writing!
janet rubin
02/01/06
Wonderful descriptions as usual and well-written. I didn't feel like I knew Lettie well enough to care much about her. Would have like to have seen some more emotion. Still, an excellent piece. Good job.
Debbie OConnor
02/02/06
I love this! A wonderful story, vividly told. I particularly love the airplane angels. Lettie and her grandmother had a real feel to them. Great work.
Amanda D'costa
02/02/06
Beautiful! Reminded me of my Nana, who I lost a year ago. She believed in Jesus, she lived for Jesus, she died for Jesus!
Lynda Schultz 
02/03/06
Beautifully done.
Corinne Smelker 
02/03/06
As usual you have created a masterpiece - I am pretty sure we will see this one in the Winners Circle.
Pat Guy
02/03/06
Like I've said before - I don't like sitting behind you in the line up! I'll have to time it better next time! (as if it would make any difference!) ;)

And thanks for another strong and intertaining read that takes us on a trip emotionally as well as to places most of us never get to visit. A very 'alive' piece.
Joe Moreland
02/03/06
You have a real talent for getting a lot across in 750 words. This week will only be my 2nd participating in the challenge, but I've found the hardest part is communicating with depth when I have so few words to work with. You are supremely efficient in that regard, and I find myself learning just from reading your piece. Thank you!
Shari Armstrong 
02/03/06
A touching story, you packed a lot in a small space.
Jan Ackerson
02/03/06
There should be another category for you and a few others here--Extremely Expert, or some such. Loved, loved, loved this.
Alexandra Wilkin
02/03/06
As someone has already said, this is a piece to learn from and not just enjoy. Thanks Maxx, and God bless.
Donnah Cole
02/04/06
Well, it's become a weekly tradition to search specifically for your pieces...I always feel like an onlooker as I read what God has given you to share. Well done!
Linda Watson Owen
02/04/06
A heart rending and heart warming story told by a master artist! Truly beautifully written!
Tiffanie Chezum
02/04/06
Very well written, as usual. Good job.
Dara Sorensen
02/04/06
Amazing! I felt like I was there with them. I love reading your work!
Lynda Lee Schab 
02/04/06
What can I say, but... "perfectomundo!" You've done it again. Wonderful, realistic, descriptive writing. Loved it!
Blessings, Lynda
Cheryl Harrison
02/05/06
It's amazing what can be done with 750 words. Good writing. Thanks for sharing.
Marilyn Schnepp 
02/05/06
This is an Amazing piece of art; so amazing, in fact, that it has forced fellow-writers out of their silent little niches, and out of the woodwork by the droves...to comment on such a Masterpiece of writing! I knew they were "out there" - but it takes a Pro to bring this many to action! Thank you! Great piece of work!
Val Clark
02/05/06
I do love your description, the way they give an immediate sense of place. Felt this piece was a departure for you. A bit choppy structurally – probably because you didn’t get the usual time to mull over it. Enjoyed it though. Yeggy. PS thanks for your thoughtful comments on mine!

Suzanne R
02/07/06
Your descriptions are magnificent ... of course. And the concept - counting angels - is lovely. It was a bit sad ... but that's life, isn't it. Well done!

And I echo Yeggy's comment above - thanks for your comments too.
B Brenton
02/07/06
Wow. The first of the entries this week to make me almost cry.
Either I'm becoming deadened to all this talent, or I'm just easily bored. :P
Seriously suprised it wasn't in the E.C.
This is one of your best, Maxx.
Julianne Jones
02/08/06
Excellent writing as always (do you ever get tired of us telling you that? LOL). Loved the last line. Another masterpiece. Well done.
Kris St. James
02/09/06
"A finger twitched and her eyes creased opened." When I think of the word "crease", I think of closing something, as in creasing an envelope or letter, but a minor point. Maybe "eased" or "cracked" (cracked isn't really very good, but some idea of opening just a little). The flashbacks were just a tad off in timing, IMO, but OK. I'm not nit-picking--just thought you might want an actual critique. :)
Jessica Schmit
06/07/06
WOW, look at those comments! Impressive. First, i loved the name "Letitia" (is that how u spell it?) This entry was very beautiful. I really loved the pacing of this piece. I loved the flashbacks. I chocked up when i read the first line of the grandma seeing angels. This sentance, "The tires of the pick-up truck gouged through the windswept gullies of the ranchero, throwing out rocks and debris." didn't seem as polished as the rest. I must say, as much as I enjoyed this story, it wasn't your best. If this was my piece it would probably be my best work, but your Maxx. Maxx has an entirly different standard of writing. One that every writer should strive for.