Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: RESOLUTION (01/07/16)
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TITLE: It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Henry | Previous Challenge Entry
By Bonnie Bowden
01/14/16 -
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This wiry 88-year-old could be seen walking around town, leaning against his walking stick, with a 10-pound pack strapped to his back. He had promised his squad that one day he would return to Normandy, and he would not let them down.
Henry had read and reread the words in his journal many times over the last 70 years. If we make it back to the states alive, I will one day return to this place and remember all of my brothers that didn’t.
The C-47 “Dakota” took off down the runway. His tandem partner, Nicolas, checked all of his straps one more time. Then, it was their turn and together they jumped off the small plane step.
After leaping face down from the plane and falling at 115 miles per hour for a few thousand feet, Henry felt the rush of wind blowing against his body.
To the spectators below, they appeared as just a speck in the sky, free falling in the heavens.
“I’m pulling the canopy,” Nicolas shouted, “against the loud hum of the engine.” Bang! They were jolted upward from the force of it opening. Together the tandem started their slow half-mile descent to the ground. It was a majestic sight as the purple and turquoise parachute gently floated above them and the 48-star American flag glided behind them.
As they touched down on the ground, they were greeted by a group of reporters.
“How did it feel?” asked one reporter.
“Awesome. Not bad for an old man. There’s nothing like it.” “I’m just thankful this time there were no bullets.”
“What made you do it?” another reporter asked.
“I wanted to prove that I could, and that my co-pilot would sustain me,” Henry said. “Also, I never forgot my promise.”
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Fictional account based on two true events – a 79-year-old blind student skydiving for the first time and the reenactment of Normandy jumper 93-year-old Jim “Pee Wee” Martin.
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I have only two very minor red ink items on this one:
First: "After leaping face down from the plane ..." This sounds odd. Maybe something like, "After leaping from the plane and plumeting face down...?" Just a suggestion.
Also: “Awesome. Not bad for an old man. There’s nothing like it.”(this quotation mark, and the next that follows, are not needed here since you're continuing the dialogue without a tag like "he said", for example.) “I’m just thankful this time there were no bullets.”
I hope this is helpful and not confusing.
Great writing. Hope you rate highly.
God Bless.
God bless~
I didn't count, but I think you may have had more words you could have used to flesh this out further, prhaps with a family member's perspective, or more reminiscences from the war...