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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: PRIDE (inflated opinion of one’s self) (02/19/15)
I materialized into existence straight from the laboratory, a freak of nature. I’m a human with a head made of latex surrounding my brain. This isn’t any ordinary latex mind you; it’s been recreated and interwoven with spider silk, which had been spun by a special reengineered arachnids. It’s five times stronger than steel. There’s nobody like me. My head is slightly inflated, and I won’t look like much now, but when I’m through, I’ll become the most famous and successful person in the world.

They gave me a biological, cybernetic brain and I can calculate advanced calculus equations. I’m the most intelligent being on the planet—no, the solar system. I’m twice as smart as King Solomon. I made colossal advancements in the fields of medicine, engineering, and agriculture.

I became a billionaire in less than a decade because of my invention, the space elevator. Now, it costs less to transport supplies to the international space station and my space station. My head just swells thinking about my creations! It inflated bigger when many considered me a god. Some religious nut challenged me to a television debate. Podiums were erected at the Hollywood Bowl. We debated back and forth for a couple of hours. I won of course. Yes, I am a god—better than any god—I cured cancer and many other diseases! Oh, my head is five times bigger!

Look, I’m flying! “Wait, I’m going too high. Help! Stop laughing, this is no joke!”

“Your inflated ego!” the nut yelled and the crowd burst into laughter.

“Someone help him!”

They tried rescuing him with ropes, helicopters, and even a Harrier Jump Jet. None of these devices could save the balloon man. Soon, he disappeared into the stratosphere.

The next day headlines both serious and comical publications: Tragic Death For Billionaire, Too Much Ego, Great Man Died, His Inflated Self Bursts, Entrepreneur’s Life Ends Abruptly, Death In Space.

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This article has been read 543 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Toni Babcock 
03/01/15
Comically entertaining and right on topic! Hope you do well in the Challenge.
C D Swanson 
03/02/15
Simply put..."Excellent job"

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
04/17/15
I love your out-of-the-box thinking. I believe your idea is positively brilliant, though I don't want you to get a big head (teehee), so I'll give you a tiny bit of red ink. You started out using first person and then switched to third in the end. I think it worked as a first person until your MC floated away, which makes it hard to see how he could be speaking to the reader in the beginning. I think if you'd started with the third person and perhaps added more body language, it would have ranked much higher. For example, the line about the nut made me pause a moment because I wasn't sure who he was. Perhaps if you had done something like: “Your inflated ego is going to be the death of you!” The religious nut jumped up and down as he raised his cross into the air. I think you absolutely nailed the topic. The tongue-in-cheek humor is wonderful for any age. I could see this as a tween story and as a satirical story for adults. The ending, though slightly predictable left me content and smiling. This is a story I'll definitely remember. You have a passion that surrounds your words and makes me eager to see more of your work!