Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Staff (01/31/13)
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TITLE: Trek to Egypt | Previous Challenge Entry
By PamFord Davis
02/05/13 -
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Was it the trampling of camels or donkey hooves kicking up dust or merely the wind? Sun would be setting soon. He would recline for rest, await the sun’s return and continue the watch for his sons. They had gone to the fertile Nile Delta in hopes of bartering with the Pharaoh’s steward for grain. Fingering his wooden staff, he mulled the mystery of grain becoming the staff of life.
Despondent, He lamented his inability to sustain the lives of his clan and dwindling herds. Clenching his fist, he beat his heaving chest and hung his head in shame. He had always been so confident, so sure of himself. His shrewdness was of no help now. He began to doubt the goodness of Jehovah. How could a merciful God allow little ones to suffer pangs of hunger?
Turning his eyes once more toward the trodden path, he found no solace or solutions. Despondent, Jacob shuffled back into the stifling air of his shelter. His knees buckled and he slumped to the dirt floor, falling prostrate. Forlorn, he wept. “Why Oh, LORD? Why do you curse us? Will we perish in this ceaseless drought and famine?”
In the hunger of near-starvation, he drifted off to fitful sleep and began to dream. He saw his beloved Rachel. Vibrant, with rosy cheeks, she was caressing her boy child, Joseph; hungry, Rachel succored him at her bosom. Jacob loved him more than he loved all his other sons. Jacob, his mother Rebecca’s favorite, had continued the grievous sin of favoritism.
Joseph awoke with a start. Someone was coming. He arose swiftly; expectantly, he went outside.
As the approaching group drew closer, he began to count heads.
Benjamin…I could not bear the loss of Benjamin too. Yes, I see him now!
“Glory to God, I see donkeys and wagons heavy laden!”
His youngest, Benjamin, had consoled him after the death of Joseph. All he had left of the dreamer Joseph was a blood stained multicolored coat. When reunited with his sons they exchanged embraces and each one greeted him with a holy kiss. The sons were all talking at once. Overwhelmed and perplexed, he tried to make sense of their stories…
“Reuben, you’re the eldest. Tell me what this is all about!”
“Father, the LORD has heard your cries! Your son Joseph yet lives! He is head steward in the house of Pharaoh. It is your Joseph; he distributes grain from the storage house. He asked about you father. He instructed us to return home quickly, to gather you and your entire household and return to him without delay.” Jacob nearly expired in hearing such inconceivable news.
How many years have passed?
After his loss of Joseph, he had torn his garments, dressed in sackcloth, wept and mourned. He was inconsolable after hearing horrendous accounts of the death of Joseph. Heartless brothers shared graphic details of a ferocious animal attacking and killing Joseph. Could this new story of Joseph’s life, good fortune and authority be true; or was it an illusion of a demented mind?
“It is enough; Joseph my son is yet alive: I will go and see him before I die (Genesis 45:28b KJV).”
Jacob could once again provide food for family and flocks. He longed to see the face of his beloved Joseph; this was a dream come true. Jacob’s sons and servants packed personal belongings, loaded excited children, women and the weak into wagons. The Hebrew patriarch, Jacob began a trek from Canaan to Egypt. Israel’s God, JEHOVAH-JIREH supplied the staff of life.
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A little bit of red ink I could offer is that I think you put Joseph instead of Jacob in the line about Joseph waking up after his dream. You probably meant Jacob, right? Actually, I didn't see it the first time through,so it isn't a huge point, if one already knows the basics of the story.
In any case, you've done a nice job of sharing this story!
This is SO minor, but you might want to be aware of using one particular structure once or twice too often--where you start with an adjective set off by a comma. It's grammatical and it's a good way to change things up, but you did it perhaps once too often in the first half of the story.
But I'd far rather read a beautifully-written entry like this than one with no advanced sentence structures. This is something I'd expect to see in Level 4. Very well done!
Thanks. God bless~