Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Appointment (02/09/12)
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TITLE: An Awkard Appointment | Previous Challenge Entry
By harvestgal Ndaguba
02/15/12 -
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“Oh hey, Pastor Davis, what's up?”
“I made an appointment for you to talk to Rev. Dan, my assistant, Friday night at 7.”
“Okay? Why? Have I done something wrong? Well besides my usual clumsiness,” she added remembering the mess she made that morning when she tripped over the bucket she was mopping the floor with and spilled water everywhere.
“No,” said pastor Davis laughing. “Actually, I thought maybe you could help him.”
“Me? Help Rev. Dan?” Cathy laughed at the thought.
Pastor Davis continued, “Rev. Dan needs some...encouragement, I guess I could say.”
“And why would I be the one to encourage him?” She asked bewildered.
“I don't know, you're so carefree and uplifting, I thought you'd be perfect for the job.”
“Well okay, if you thing so,” said Cathy
“Rev. Dan, Can I have a moment with you.”
“Pastor Davis, I know I made a big mistake,” Rev Dan said looking rather distressed sitting at his desk.
“Huh?”
“The Church newsletters, I used 'their' instead of 'there'. Mrs. Johnson, the English teacher, already called and told me,” he said putting his head in his hands.
“Rev. Dan, we are humans, we all make mistakes sometimes. You've seen many of mine. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. It's Cathy. You know, the girl who always volunteers around the church.
“You mean the one who's always knocking things down and making messes,” he said smiling. “She's funny, but so nice. Her heart is right.
“Yea, well, I um...made an appointment for you to talk to her Friday night at 7.”
“What's wrong? Is she alright?”
“Yes, it's just, well...she might need to know that her work is appreciated and she's really needed here, you know.”
“Oh okay,” replied Rev. Dan uncomfortably.
“Pastor Rosa will be in the office with you two so you won't be alone. She's got some paper work to finish up.”
“So wouldn't it be better if Pastor Rosa talked with her instead.”
“No, no, Pastor Rosa is like a mom to her, sometimes people need to hear it from someone else.”
Pastor Rosa laughed. They both looked up to see her standing in the doorway.
“My love, you look beautiful today,” said Pastor Davis smiling mischievously.
“Thanks, I see you're busy...working and organizing,” she said slyly. “Rev. Dan, I'm sure you'd be the perfect person to talk to Cathy. You have a way with words.”
“Really? Thanks” said Rev. Dan, with a smile.
Pastor Davis and pastor Rosa smiled at each other as they left the office.
“Um Rev. Dan, I have an appointment to talk with you tonight,” said Cathy nervously as she entered the office.
“Yes, come in and sit down, “ said Rev. Dan. He glanced over at Pastor Rosa who never looked up from her paper work, but appeared to be smiling. He was so uncomfortable talking with women and couldn't figure out why Pastor Davis had chosen him for this job.
As Cathy went to sit in the chair in front of his desk, some how she missed the seat and grabbed his desk trying to prevent a fall, knocking papers everywhere and landed on the floor. Then she started laughing hysterically.
Rev. Dan couldn't help but laugh as he jumped up and helped her to her feet. “Are you okay,” he asked trying to force the smile off his face.
She continued laughing unable to stop. The more nervous and embarrassed she felt, the more she laughed.
Wishing to ease her embarrassment and comfort her, Rev Dan looked into her dark brown eyes and said, “Cathy, you're so beautiful.” As the words came out he felt his cheeks began to burn. He didn't mean it to come out like that.
He looked back at Pastor Rosa whose face was buried in her arms on her desk. She appeared to be laughing but her face was hidden so he couldn't tell.
“I mean, you are a beautiful person,” he continued. “You're a blessing to me, I mean, the church, the ministry here,” he said wishing he could disappear.
“Your a blessing too,” she laughed, then snorted. Both of their faces were beet red.
This was the beginning of a love that would last a lifetime. And Pastor Rosa never tires of telling the story, laughing her way through it again and again.
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You need to work on your proofing as you had several little errors. Sometimes you forgot to capitalize Pastor when used as part of a name. Also start a new paragraph each time there is a new speaker. There were a few other typos. In the forums, there is a thread for critique groups or challenge buddies. If you had a fresh set of eyes, they could catch those tiny errors.
I think you did a great job using the topic. Not only did you touch on the appointment that means a meeting, but your story was about the appointments or positions God calls us to do. I wasn't expecting one of them to be a matchmaker. I always enjoy it when I don't see a twist coming, as that doesn't happen often to me. I knew they were meant to help each other but I didn't see a romance. Nice job with a good message and a few giggles too.