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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: War and Peace (not about the book) (07/07/11)
In an unseen, intangible realm there is a plain.

It is a land of unspeakable beauty.

Unique and intriguing, satisfying and living.

At least, this is how it is during times of peace.

Alas, there is malicious war taking place on this vast expanse, smothering its beauty, rendering it dank and dreary, dry and desolate.

During these periods of unrest, the land is infested by beings whose one goal is destruction and annihilation, and darkness is their constant companion.

Through the shroud that is their presence, their grotesque figures can be seen.

In the foreground the crafty eyes of Deceit, shifty, untrusting, untrust-ed, scour the landscape;
backwards, forwards, behind, above. Never resting,
Its torment is palpable.

In Deceit’s peripheral vision leer the hungry, seductive eyes of Lust;
never satisfied,
It pounces on impure thoughts to devour them like a vulture on a carcass.

Off in the distance, the jade-green eyes of Envy and Jealousy glisten in the shadows;
self-gain Their only intent.

From somewhere deep within the terrain come discordant noises, like talons scraping along metallic instruments of torture.
This is the vile sound of Slander and Gossip.
.
It is an arena of sub-conscious chaos, a bombardment of malevolent spiritual forces.

The momentum builds,
a sub-climax is reached...

Commander Sadness arrives.

Victory is close.

Silence befalls the minions as the low, guttural sounds of a creature none dares look upon echo throughout the chambers of the captive's heart.

It is living evil which, ironically, sucks the essence out of life;
All other miseries kowtow to its encroaching presence,
in awe of its strength and power in this once holy and sacred place.

It’s The General.

Its name?

Hopelessness.

With quiet arrogance and overt pride their General thrusts the banner of their lord into the heart of their captive.

“In the name of the lord of darkness!”

With great rejoicing the warriors of hatred celebrate their victory.
The poisonous claws retract their grasp,
the tentacles filled with venom release the core of their captive,
and, propelled by their victory, they march to their next battleground.

Yes, in all of us is an unseen, intangible realm, the plain of our heart.

It is a land of unspeakable beauty.

Unique and intriguing, satisfying and living.

At least, this is how it is during times of peace.


Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Linda Goergen
07/16/11
This story is also unique and intriguing...and captivating as you give dramatic visual image to the unseen!
I love the way you presented this look at spiritual warfare! Great Job!
Allison Egley 
07/19/11
Oh, I like this a lot.

One very small bit of "red ink." I wouldn't have capitalized "Their." I would have kept it lower case, since you already capitalized the individual names.

I like how you came full circle at the end, repeating that opening line. It gave it a nice sense of closure.
Patricia Turner 
07/19/11
I believe you chose the right name for the General. I too like the way you ended with the lines with which you began.
Laury Hubrich 
07/19/11
Very poetic piece. Well done:)
marcella franseen
07/19/11
A great picture of the battle for our hearts.
Noel Mitaxa 
07/19/11
Very poetic imagery, with a panoramic setting. I wonder if you might also highlight the attractive way in which evil parades itself; for if we saw its ultimate ugliness right off the bat, we would not so easily succumb to it.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
07/19/11
The personifications of evils make for a very interesting and thought-provoking story.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/22/11
Wow! You gave me chills. This is a very powerful message.

Congratulations for placing 8th in level 3!
diana kay
07/26/11
wow! powerful writing and great word pictures. i could imagine the scene unfolding and this is enhanced but the descriptive flavour of the piece. This did mean i felt like an observer/fly on the wall rather than becoming
engaged with the story.
I think you could have jazzed up the title a little as it did not quite seem to match the tone (in my opinion anyway) Bang on the theme of war and peace and it was Lord of the Ringsian :-) in its telling.