Why I Write | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Why I Write | Previous Challenge Entry
By Coleene VanTilburg
05/27/10
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I am now, someone who thinks a lot, someone who sees beyond the obvious, and someone who ponders. Did I want this burden? Not in the way I stumbled upon it, but I serve a sovereign God. Inspiration with purpose came after a season of great trials and sorrow, a season that changed my life forever. I accept this gift now, constantly opening it up, exploring, and sharing. Arriving like special delivery from Federal Express when I least expect it; I anticipate its arrival, for it fills my days with spiritual yearning.

Frequently, inspiration comes with different return addresses. Places called insight, muse, understanding, thought, reaction, contemplation, creativity, and imaginative daydreaming are a few. Whatever the "form,” it erupts within me like a dormant geyser, finding its way to "expression", pen meeting paper or fingers plucking on a keyboard, whichever I find first.

I am created for purpose, to bring glory to my Creator. Why did it take so long in my life to reach the point of accomplishing or at least working towards this purpose? It's not that I didn't hear that voice, deep within the pulsating chambers of my heart. Expectant rhythms continued but the voices, well, for a season I chose not to obey or allow His Spirit to overwhelm me enough to believe that I was worthy. Sacrifice and obedience required a heart check, and my breathing was just fine...until "cardiac arrest" made it hard to catch my breath one day.

The voice now moved out of the circular motion of my heart and soul and into reality. Life had taken a major turn and my bursting heart could not contain it all. Inspiration from God's Word became my drug of choice, a coping skill I desperately needed. Swirling through my veins, an empowerment and an understanding gripped me and I could no longer hold back what the Holy Spirit began to teach me.

"Thank you Lord that you chose me. Thank you Lord, for hearing me now at this time. Fill me, Inspiration. Teach me Holy Spirit. Show me God what you want from me, how I can understand this trial, how I can share with others. This I know requires sacrifice and obedience. Yes Lord, I surrender. Forgive me Lord for my years of ignoring your voice.”

In the midst of this surrender, my heart stopped beating, incurring further damage; an even harder trial. This part of me now became my eternal inspiration, pointing me towards purpose, rescuing me from rage, comforting my contempt, gracing my grief, multiplying my memories and healing my heart. This shock to my heart left me dependent on a God, on a Healer who is teaching me a new way to live in memory and grace, in forgiveness and purpose.

Inspiration floats down like a butterfly from the park trees. Insight gives me a warm hug as I read His Word. Muse comes jogging by as I leave for work and understanding wakes me up and moves me through my day. Creativity is alive and thriving in a heart pumping with a story to tell. This heart condition could have been fatal, but the blood that flows through now comes straight from Heaven’s supply. I write to bring Glory to my Father and in turn He brings peace to my soul.

Thank You Holy Spirit for inspiration. Although it came through pain, may I continue to seek and develop this gift to your Glory. Amen.

II Corinthians 10:5b…and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

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