Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)
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TITLE: Brackton�s Secret | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lyn Churchyard
05/11/10 -
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Francesca rolled her eyes, “I said this manuscript is rubbish!”
“You’re joking,” Paul blinked in disbelief, “are you sure you and I are reading the same thing?”
Francesca’s curls bounced up and down as she nodded. “Of course I’m sure, entry twenty-five—Brackton’s Secret.
“Is there some particular reason you feel that way?”
“It’s… it’s predictable.”
Paul looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before responding, “So, you know exactly what’s going to happen and how it will end.”
“Yes!” Francesca had the grace to blush as Paul raised one eyebrow at her, “well no, not exactly, but I don’t like the MC.”
“You’re not supposed to like him, he’s a thoroughly nasty character—but you have to admit, you want to keep reading to see if he really is a mongrel, or if it’s all an act for some reason.”
Paul was rewarded with one of Francesca’s famous scowls. “I like my MC to be sympathetic—someone I can relate to—not this… stinker!” she slammed her red marking pen down.
Maybe you need to take a break for a while; go for a walk and clear your head.”
“My head is perfectly clear thank you, and I don’t want to go for a walk.”
“Talk to me Frannie, what’s going on?”
Francesca glared at him, “Don’t call me Frannie; you know I don’t like it.”
“And I don’t like it when my best MS reviewer is being irrational.”
“Is that what you think Paul, that I’m being irrational?” The hurt in her voice was obvious.
“Perhaps irrational was too strong a word,” Paul said, taking her hands in his, “but you have to admit, your reaction to this manuscript is out of character.” Even for you my dear Francesca, he added mentally.
Francesca looked down at the meaningless red squiggles on the pages in front of her to avoid Paul’s scrutiny. The problem with you, Paul Williams, is that you know me too well.
They’d been a team in the manuscript acquisition department of Harribrand Press for three years and had a great working relationship. Francesca struggled at times to keep their relationship purely professional.
“Is the author male or female?” Paul’s question caught her by surprise.
“Um… I… I’m not sure.”
“You don’t know? You—the great Francesca Kindray—doesn’t know if the author of the manuscript she is reading is male or female?” he clutched at his chest dramatically.
The young woman smiled wryly, “Seems impossible doesn’t it.”
“Well, forget that for now. What about the author’s style?”
“The style is easy going—simple with little doses of humor, but it also has an underlying sense of urgency.”
“POV?”
“It stays well on track without any narrator intrusion.”
“How many characters are involved at any one time?”
Francesca narrowed her eyes as she thought. “It varies, but no more than three.”
“Ahh, so they follow ‘the rule of three’.”
“Yes. And yes it starts well, and yes the tension builds and keeps you on the edge of your seat, and yes it’s well crafted.”
“Then why,” asked Paul, throwing his hands in the air, “do you say that it’s rubbish?”
“I don’t know,” Francesca said, dropping her head into her hands, “it feels as though he’s laughing at me.”
“Who? Who’s laughing at you?” Paul looked totally confused.
“Derek Grantham.”
“The MC… the MC in the story is laughing at you.”
“Yes. No! I mean it seems as though he’s laughing at me because every time I think I know what he’s up to, he knocks me off my feet and leaves me totally confused as to what he’s up to.”
Paul grinned. “What was that you were saying about the manuscript being rubbish?”
“Argh! All right, all right! It’s a good story.”
“Good?”
“Okay, great—brilliant even. All the elements are there; great characters, a story that flows and builds to a point where you just don’t want to put it down.”
“Any major problems with it?”
Francesca shook her head, “Nothing major that I’ve found so far. There are some minor punctuation errors, but nothing that is going to take much effort to fix.”
“So, do we say this manuscript is likely to be short listed?”
“Short listed? In my opinion it goes to the top of the list.”
Paul Williams grinned as he pushed himself away from his desk, “I love this job.”
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loved the little jabs of humor in here, it really helped to bring their working relationship into a very nice detail of this piece. Fun read!
Well, it WAS well written, It WAS on topic, It WAS creative, but...it's one of those that when I got only half=way through, I'm sorry, but I skipped to the end. it's just my short attention span... you know, like Ho-hum; but others will love it. I guarantee! (^.^)!
I was confused why she didn't care for it--figured it was because she wrote it! So the outcome was a surprise.
Nice writing.
I was waiting for more of a kicker at the ending; that was the only thing that slightly disappointed me.
This is a delightful duo of characters, and I'd definitely read more about them.
mona
Good job!