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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Christmas Gifts (11/13/08)
The night was young, but already the star’s shine could be seen in the dusk sky. I had never seen anything so bright and majestic! The celestial wonder looked ready to jump off its black canvas and place its luminous body onto the Earth. We had been tracking the star’s position for several days, and we decided it was time to follow where it would lead. I placed my bags over my camel. It was going to be a long journey, and so I packed a double portion of food and drink. As I finished my preparations, my three colleagues arrived on their camels.

“Good evening, Dabir.” Melchior greeted. Caspar and Balthasar followed closely behind him.

“Are you ready to go?” Caspar asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“What about your gift for the Child?” Balthasar inquired. “You are taking a gift aren’t you?”

“Of course,” I grinned. “Let me go and get it.” I walked behind my home to my small outdoor workshop. My gift lay covered with a linen cloth on top of an anvil. I carefully picked it up.

“Here it is, but before I reveal it to you, let me see what each of you is offering.”

Caspar climbed down from his camel. He pulled a small, wooden chest from his pack. He opened the chest, revealing a large mound of bright gold coins that shimmered in the pale moonlight.

“Only the finest gold pieces for our King.” He said with pride.

Melchior dismounted his camel and pulled out his own box. As he opened it up, the pungent aroma of frankincense permeated the evening air as fragrant chunks lay heaped up inside the box.

“The savory aroma of frankincense will surely please the King Child.” He said with an ear-to-ear grin.

Balthasar pulled a bottle from his pack and poured a tiny drop of oil from it onto my skin. I recognized the fragrance as being that of Myrrh.

“I too bring an aromatic fragrance to his Majesty, only I chose to present mine as an oil. Now what about you, Dabir? Are you going to keep us guessing about this gift of yours?”

I pulled back the linen from the gift, revealing a long curved sword with a golden handle adorned with fine jewels that had been passed down to me from my ancestors. On the handle was an inscription that read, “King of the Jews.” The tempered blade curved out and around, glimmering as I held it up high into the air.

“It’s a scimitar blade!” Melchior said in amazement. “It’s the most beautifully crafted weapon that I have ever seen!”

“I present to this child a blade worthy to be wielded by a king!” I shouted.

“Who crafted such a masterpiece?” Caspar asked.

I laughed. “Silly, Caspar. Surely you knew that your old friend Dabir had been practicing the art of blacksmithing in between all that studying of the sky and ancient texts…I forged this blade.”

Balthasar ran his finger along the blade’s edge.

“It is indeed sharp! What a marvelous gift!” He said while looking at a small drop of blood on his fingertip.

I placed the weapon inside a leather sheath and secured it to the side of my camel. I hopped onto the beast’s back, letting it lift me up as it stood off the ground. I turned around to look at my three friends.

“Well now. Are you all going to just stand there with your mouths gaped open, or are we going to follow the star and find this child? We haven’t any more time to spare!”

Each of them stared at me for a moment in disbelief and then silently proceeded to mount up. The silence continued for a while as we headed towards the direction of the star.

***

A day had passed since we started on our journey. The wind began to pick up as we crossed the desert. Grains of sand blasted past me, stinging my cheeks. A terrible sandstorm was brewing, and we were in the middle of it. I called out to my three companions who were behind me.

“You alright?” I shouted.

Only the wind could be heard.

“Caspar! Melchior! Belthasar! Are you there?”

A hard blow hit my side, sending me flying off my camel and onto the bed of sand beneath me. A large figure, draped in black, stood over me.

“I found you! Now where is the sword? Hand it over to me at once!”

Author’s Note: This is a small snippet of a larger work that the author is currently working on. It is completely fictional and is in no way an accurate reference to Biblical events.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 1388 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Marilyn Schnepp 
11/20/08
I was ready to jump all over the writer after the first paragraph. "There were only THREE Wise men, not four!" Then I was upset that a sword but would be given to the Prince of Peace! Then when it was inscribed "King of the Jews" I wanted to shout, "No, He is the King of all people!" Thank goodness for explaining this is only "part" of a future story. I shall await my critique until then...but seems engaging, and great Title.
Dee Yoder
11/20/08
Awesome entry, Josh. Love the imagination that you're showing in this work...I can't wait to see where you're going with this adventure story! Way to go in thinking "outside the box"! That is the way to create great FICTION.
Marita Thelander 
11/20/08
Interesting take on a Christmas story. A side note...if my memory serves me correct, the scripture does not say there were only three wise men. It does indicate only three gifts, hence we presume only three wise men. I am anxious to see where the author is taking us in this journey with "artistic liberty."
Yvonne Blake 
11/20/08
Very interesting! There isn't too much known about the magi from the East, except the gifts that they brought. We don't even know how many there were. I think they came from Babylon and read the writings of Danieil, but that's only my thoughts. I can't wait to read your whole book.
Leah Nichols 
11/22/08
I didn't want it to end!

One word: Maverick. :)
c clemons
11/23/08
Good imagination here, I would caution you however to be careful when fictionalizing scripture because over time people tend to believe what is written. Just like your first commenter believes there were three wise men when the scripture does not say that all. Keep up the good work and remember God's work does not need any help to be interesting.
Sara Harricharan
11/23/08
Creative with a capital C! This is very well done, you managed to give personality to four characters within a word count, excellent! You cannot possibly end it here, because I want to know what happens next. You did good with weaving a careful line between fiction and truth, I liked how you separated the four, to be the one and three and then started on this whole other story that is the end with his being attacked. Definitely an interesting snippet of a longer work-thanks for sharing! ^_^
Lennie Litz
11/24/08
Chilling, I wanted to read more.
Marlene Austin
11/24/08
Truly interesting story line. :) Sections relating to scripture (gifts of the Magi) are true to The Word. Wish I knew who else was looking for the sword AND how that character even knew about it - hmmmmm...
Catrina Bradley
11/25/08
This story got better and better the more I read. I love the intrigue, the mystery of the 4th wise man and the sword, the man in black. I know it's part of a longer piece, but I can't help but feel left hanging. The ending doesn't let this story stand alone in my opinion. I don't have a problem with your character; the Bible never says how many wise men there were. For all we know there were 2 dozen. ;)
Betty Castleberry
11/25/08
Well Josh, even though I know this is only part of a larger work, I want it all right now! Great sense of time and place in this piece. This is very well done.
Holly Westefeld
11/25/08
I hope you'll post a notice when we can read the rest of the story. The suspense is killing me.
The only reason I don't care for it as a challenge entry is the utter lack of closure. Otherwise, I am completely intrigued by the creativity.
Gregory Kane
11/25/08
I say, you have generated a great deal of debate! Excellent- I love to see comments that really scrutinise what's been written.
I don't have a problem at all with the sword. It fits the tone of the closing days of the Old Testament (see Mal 4:1 or Zech 14:3 for examples.) And the legend of the fourth Magi is a great literary device to explore the ever so familiar Christmas story.
My problem with your piece is that I don't honestly think it fits within the short-story format of the Challenge. Better to submit it as a complete article in another section of FaithWriters.
Norma-Anne Hough
11/25/08
Well done Josh, you certainly have us all waiting with bated breath for more. I enjoyed this read and can't wait to read the end.
Love,
Norms
Teresa Lee Rainey
11/25/08
I too am left wanting to hear more.
As far as the gift. . . I think it is fitting. Aren't all of the gifts full of meaning or prophecy?

Gerald Shuler
11/25/08
Your writing style is certainly captivating. At least, you caught me. I wrote a story years ago about a fourth king. In my story he was a bumbling clutz that couldn't even bring a proper gift because he lost it on the way to visit the baby.

Your tale is far superior to mine and I look forward to reading more when you share it.
Sharon Kane
11/25/08
Will try to avoid repeating what others (especially my adorable husband!) have already said...
I enjoyed your powerful descriptions, especially your opening paragraph about the star, and your description of the sword which I almost felt across my finger. I was thinking it would be an ancient sword, maybe captured by the Babylonians; even the one used by David to cut off Goliath's head??
Like others I felt disappointed to be left on a cliff hanger.
Mary Alice Bowles
11/26/08
Now, tell me more!

Surely a sword is not a gift for the, "Prince Of Peace"!

Let me know when you finish your excellent work of words.

Joanne Sher 
11/26/08
ABSOLUTELY intrigued and anxious to read the rest! I agree that the "hanging" thing is problematic for the challenge, but if this was your chance to test it out, that's the way it goes. Sure looks like a "Page-Turner" (next year is fiction, yanno!) :D
Marijo Phelps
11/26/08
Yep, it grabbed me right in and was the shortest Challenge entry I have ever read (seemed that way because I did so want to read MORE) Holler when more is ready!
Loren T. Lowery
11/26/08
Engaging in theme and presentation. Characters and their plight seems real by your dialogue and narrative. Yes, I would want to keep reading to see what they and you as the writer have in store.
Loren
Angela M. Baker-Bridge
11/27/08
Very creative and intriguing. Great beginning for your extended story!
Diana Smith 
11/27/08
I'm on board for wanting more!! Loved the line about the star ready to "jump off its black canvas..." - so good. Really, really good. Just my two cents, but I LOVE Biblical fiction (assuming it stays true to the heart of God's Word - which yours most certainly does), I find it draws me into the Word and helps me chew on it. Bravo Josh.
Lyn Churchyard
11/27/08
I loved this, but I'm going to have to smack you around a bit because you left me hanging. I want to read the rest of the story.

Three gifts do NOT necessarily mean three givers. I mean, how often do we give a gift to someone as a whole family. A sword is a very appropriate gift for a king or even the Prince of Peace, Jesus Himself said in Matthew 10:34 "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

Let us know Josh, when and where we can read the rest of this.
Pamela Kliewer 
11/27/08
You got me caught up in the story! Bravo! I definitely want to know how this turns out! Please let us know when we can read more.
Karlene Jacobsen 
12/04/08
I wanted to scream, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, You can't end it like that!"

I am glad this is ONLY a snippet, because i love the imagery, the suspense and the wonderment of it all.

My favorite bestselling author writes historical fiction. She and her husband have done something like this in a series and I love it.
Personally, I often catch my brain wandering into times of the Bible and imagining the events or people surrounding the story.