Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Uncles/Aunts (04/17/08)
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TITLE: The Rodeo Romance | Previous Challenge Entry
By Dianne Janak
04/19/08 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
from Illiniois
met Aunt Anna
from Montana
At a rodeo in Texas
on a cold and starry night
Young Roy the clown
with painted frown
Saw Aunt Anna
wear bandanas
The night she rode a crazy bull
His heart stolen at first sight.
One night uncle
broke his knuckle
Distracting bulls
by push and pulls
As Anna ran to safety
With her nerves all tense in fright.
“Are you ok?”
She was dismayed.
Now viewing Roy,
not just a boy,
As the medics fixed his knuckle
And suggested he sit tight.
“I was so scared,
thank God you cared,
To rescue me
and help me flee.
Bull was raging, I was running
I just knew he’d take a bite.”
“Let’s go to dine,
at half past nine,
Take off your face,
save me a place,
At that Denny’s round the corner
Please say yes to my invite.”
Poor Roy was mute,
in his clown suit,
If this a dream,
it seemed extreme,
Loving Anna from a distance
Seemed to Roy to be just right
Our poor young Roy,
now being coy,
Was in a fix,
With no clown tricks,
His face hiding behind makeup
Huge red scars, an ugly sight.
He had no choice,
he found his voice,
“I will await,
our dinner date,”
Our brave man Roy met our Anna
At the Diner in bright light.
Roy was sweating,
and was betting
That his fair chance
for this romance
Would elude him as Anna gazed
On his scars with shock and fright.
As she approached,
he clung to hope
That she’d conceal
her need to squeal
And thus become a lifelong friend
With compassion for his plight.
“I know its pride,
that’s why I hide,
My face in shame,
no one to blame,
Somehow I knew you would be kind
And not cower at my sight.”
Eyes filled with tears,
she was all ears,
“Relax, my friend,
I won’t offend,
God teaches me to look at hearts
Your sweet soul is drenched in light.”
Love birthed in joy,
For clown boy Roy,
And our Anna
with bandanas,
Been married now for fifty years
In God’s family, their delight.
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I thought some of the rhymes sounded a little forced, since you managed to rhyme the last line in every stanza, which had to be quite a challenge!
Great job - keep up the good work!
Well written and lovely. You captured the heart of the person who wants to love, but is so afraid of being rejected.
"Uncle Roy
from Illiniois
met Aunt Anna
from Montana" !!
Poetry can be tricky to write, but you did an excellent job and managed to convey your story and its message very clearly. Well-done! :)
Poetry can be such hard work, finding the right rhyme and pulling the whole story together so it flows well. It takes courage as well as creativity. You demonstrated an abundance of both. I'm not sure that I could break out of traditional poetic form like you did here.
I agree with the above comments, however, that a few rhymes were a bit awkward, but I feel you got away with it due to the general appeal of the story itself. Most readers look for consistency, so I find I have to think laterally when a rhyme doesn't look right. It takes years of experience, playing with words. But this is really good.