Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "A Man is Known by the Company He Keeps" (without using the actual phrase). (01/31/08)
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TITLE: A different Language | Previous Challenge Entry
By Rita Garcia
02/07/08 -
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“Hey Sis.” Running his hand through his unruly hair, this, like the rest of his rumpled appearance, was well past the point of need. Jay headed straight for the kitchen, as if someone had called him by name. His friends followed, all except Matt. Uninvited, he settled into the matching floral wing chair on the other side of the bay windows.
He stretched out his long legs in front of him. “What’re you reading? It looks like some kind of a journal.”
Unlike her brother, Matt was the epitome of male charm. If only he wasn’t one of them. “It’s an old book of my dad’s. My mom recovered it because it was falling apart. It’s The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale. Not your kind of reading?” Why doesn’t he just leave?
His mouth spread into a smile, as if he had won a contest. “It’s a great book. I read it a couple of years ago.”
“I’m impressed.” She hated the way he made her feel, as if she was a gift waiting to be opened.
“Oh, I think I may shock you on many levels. We could go down to the wharf for lunch.” His brown eye’s filled with anticipation.
Her pulse raced as if it were taking sides: his side. “I think I’ll stick with my reading.”
“I will keep asking. One of these times you’re going to surprise yourself and say yes.”
She swallowed the words she wanted to say. She longed to be honest with him. To tell him she would never go out with a friend of her brother’s. “I really don’t go out much. Most of my time is taken up with school and work. I enjoy spending my down time with a good book or working in the garden.”
“Those emerald eyes of yours speak a different language.” He stood and stretched, as Jay and his cohorts ambled back through.
“Did you wear her down yet?” Jay taunted as he opened the door.
She could feel the redness seep into her skin. “Stop it Jay. I’m sure you have some urgent stupidity waiting for you.”
“Nothing you don’t wish you had the guts to do, little sis.” He left without waiting for a response.
“Jay just likes to impress the others with his wit.” Matt ruffled her hair as he turned to leave. “I’ll ask again Blondie, and I … I’ll keep asking.”
Her palms were sweaty and she knew he was right. Her … her heart was speaking a different language. “Matt, I … I am a little hungry.” She closed her book. “Give me a minute to freshen up.”
She left a note for her mom and they headed out. “It’s a gorgeous day.” Somehow her hand found its way into his. It felt as natural as breathing.
“I think it may well be the best of days.” He politely waited and closed her car door. “Is Captain Jack’s okay?” he inquired as he pulled away from the curb.
“Sounds perfect, they have a wonderful crab salad.”
“I’m curious. Why did you decide to have lunch with me?”
“I’m not sure.” What? I’m going to tell him my adrenalin takes on a life of its own whenever he’s around? I don’t think so.
“I would really like to know why you’ve always turned me down. I’ve been trying to get you to go out with me since we were like … juniors in high school.”
“You’re part of my brother’s group. I love my brother, but he’s a ... an accident waiting to happen, and it usually does.”
Matt lowered his eyes, like a young boy caught doing mischief. “I confess I use your brother as an excuse to see you. But I don’t run with his group. We’ll be telling this story to our kids. I will get you to marry me.” He placed his arm across the back of the seat and ran his fingertips through her hair.
She wanted to brush her feelings aside and yet she wanted to feel this way forever. “Can we have lunch first?”
“Is that a yes?” Joy danced through his smile.
“More like slow down. How long before I agreed to lunch?” My heart was swift to let me know it wouldn’t take that long.
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The only thing I'd change is a few bits of dialogue which sounded just a tad stilted. Something as simple as using a few contractions will do the trick.
This is one of my favorites so far.
Things seemed a bit rushed because of the word limit, but I did like your closing line to tie it all together.