Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Valley (08/10/06)
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TITLE: Comfort In the Darkness | Previous Challenge Entry
By Brenda Bates
08/15/06 -
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What kind of question is that? Of course I’m a Christian. I was raised in a Christian home. I was baptized when I was a baby. My family went to church every Sunday. My uncle was a Catholic priest and he officiated my first communion. I said my prayers every morning and every night. I went to confession at least once a month and catechism every week. I went to the Lord’s Table each Sunday.
What do you mean, am I a Christian? Absolutely!
“Have you been saved?”
What? I just told you I was baptized as a baby. My original sin was washed away through baptism and by confessing my sins once a month and saying my penance, I’m saved – my sins are forgiven.
“Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?”
How could I get it so wrong?
I had all the answers and, without a doubt, thought I was a true Christian. Yet, I found more comfort in the darkness than searching for the purifying Light. Everything about Christianity was so ritualistic that I couldn’t connect with God. I feared Him and certainly didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. I wouldn’t dare get too close because He would see how horrible I really was. I could relate to Jonah when he went into hiding. My solitude wasn’t in the belly of a fish but it certainly was dark in similarity.
I searched for happiness in earthy things, and expected others to fill the void in my life. I expected them to provide my joy and happiness. The result? I went from one relationship to another and never found the kind of love that pierces the soul. No one could love me the way I needed to be loved.
The valley in my life – the belly of the fish, became my saving grace. It was in the chamber of darkness; the Spirit of God sought after me – or perhaps I was searching for Him? It was in the calm of His presence that I recognized His voice. “I’m listening Lord; to each word and each breath – I can’t do it on my own, take me I’m yours.”
He found me, comforted me, and delivered me safely to the shore. Jesus, my Lord and Savior filled my deepest hunger with the most beautiful love imaginable.
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