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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Vision (08/03/06)
Deadly Vision

According to the dictionary, “a vision is a supernatural appearance that conveys a revelation”: It also said, “a direct mystical awareness of the supernatural usually in visible form”.

I had a vision back in 1999 that I have played over and over in my mind thousands of times. I also share this vision with anyone who is interested or when I get a chance, always expecting their input or any kind of advice they can give me on the subject of visions. I will let you be the judge and I am open to all input, good or bad. I sometimes feel like I am telling a Poe story, yet this really did happen to me.

My mother died March 7, 1999. She left me in a grieving state of shock that I could not pull myself out of, no matter how hard I tried. She was my whole world, she was not only my mother, she was my best friend. Most days I walked around in a trance-like state, not caring whether I lived or died.

About two weeks after she died, I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning by my door opening and shutting back at the bottom of my staircase. I sat up on the edge of the bed waiting for whomever or whatever to appear at the top of the stairs, but the only thing I saw was a mist forming at the very top of the stairs. I wasn’t even scared; I just felt like that it was something I had been waiting for all my life. I looked and inside the mist was a beautiful girl about age 12. She was standing at the entrance of a deep long tunnel. It was just the right size to fit the beautiful young girl. Her face was a golden peach; her large round eyes matched the color of the seed inside the peach. Her soft brown curls fell to her shoulders, but one little strand of curl fell to the corners of her mouth revealing those angel white teeth as she smiled at me. Her pearly white robe glistened like the mother of pearl ring I carried on my third finger.

I said, “Mom, oh Mom it is you”! She called to me, “Mary, come, Mary come go with me”, and then she turned and headed back into the tunnel, smiling as she looked back at me. About the time I started to get up off the bed to follow her into that tunnel, I heard this whispery soft voice say, “No Mary, no Mary”! I obeyed the voice and sat back down on the bed. The mist disappeared and the tunnel floated on out of sight

At that point, I realized that if I had followed Mom into that tunnel I would have fallen to my death, an instant death, falling from the top of my stairs to the bottom of my stairs. I don’t understand and I never will understand why I had this vision. I have no answer for this, but I will tell you that I do not question God, for he is the author and the finisher of my faith and it is through him I live and breathe and have my being. He proved this great point of revelation to me on that night and I will forever praise him for as long as I live!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
08/10/06
Yikes! I won't comment on the vision except to say that you described it well--it's theological implications are beyond my learning. I will suggest that you not begin with a dictionary definition, but just get to the heart of your piece. You're right, your story is Poe-like--good writing.
david grant
08/12/06
Great writing in this part: Her face was a golden peach; her large round eyes matched the color of the seed inside the peach. Her soft brown curls fell to her shoulders, but one little strand of curl fell to the corners of her mouth revealing those angel white teeth as she smiled at me. Her pearly white robe glistened like the mother of pearl ring I carried on my third finger.
But you need to get to beautiful paragraphs like this faster.
Gary Sims
08/12/06
I've heard of many people having similar visions - usually in a near-death experience. The desire to follow is usually in the heart of the one seeing the vision - not the vision itself. A voice very typically intercedes. It is an amazing, never to be forgotten experience.

The writing skills exhibited in the sharing this vision however need improvement to help transcend the power of the personal experience into a shared experience.

Developing it into a story instead of a personal reflection might be one way. At the very least I'd get rid of the first two paragraphs and write an opening that grabs the reader by the hand and pulls them into the vision with you.
Marilyn Schnepp 
08/13/06
I'm no expert on visions either; however, it bothered me that you called her "mother", saying "it is you" when your vision showed a l2 year old child. How or Why would you think it was her? I also believe Satan re-creates a "likeness" of a loved one, as in spirtualism; but in this case it was a young girl - so I am stumped along with this writer. Thanks for sharing...a well written mystery. Nicely done.