The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/20/06
wow...this was different. I could feel the violence and fear and was never sure of the outcome. The only distraction was some of the spacing but other wise I was there watching the action.
07/21/06
This is intense! I would've like a 2 or 3 more sentences at the end to really bring home your point. But that could just be a personal preference. You did a great job setting up so many different characters in just a few short sentences. Great read.
07/22/06
Original. Great. Need to work on some verbal punctuation, but very clever. You may get a DAVEY for this.