The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1540 times
Member Comments
Harsh, but real. I felt the end wrapped too quickly. I would have preferred more story as opposed to the scripture at the end. This will disturb people, but it is happening more often than we'd like to think or know. Well done.
Yes, it was disturbing, but a great insight into some of the pain around us. The transition at the end was a little quick, but it's hard with the word limit. I think this could be lengthened and really minister to some hurting people going through similar emotions. Great job!
An amazing view of the true pain of a "Cutter." Having friends that suffer so, I know the trial of seeing them through to the love of God.. This is truly a blessed story. May the Lord use it and you, for reaching others. A well done story drawing the reader in with each line.... Very well done once again..
I didn't find this disturbing at all. maybe that's a bad thing. I knew a few people who did this and I think you protrayed th emotional baggage of this story extremly well. I think I know who you are. I could tell by the second line. I'll have to re read it to get the other fourteen stories interweaved throughout this masterpiece! :] Great, great work. Oh, but for my negative, I didn't like the ending. I thought it was resolved too quickly. But, that could just be me. But if it's you, it's not your usual style. None the less, excellent piece. Beautifully written.
I really felt for your character and kept thinking "Where is the positive, uplifting part?" You described her emptiness so well. I rejoiced when Danni came in! And she didn't judge but just loved and encouraged.
This was a great piece of writing in many ways.
I think that instead of the last line you used, I'd let a whirring of hope stir deep down within, something she has perhaps nver felt before, and leave that as the ending.
I think this is perfect from beginning to end. It captures everything.

Your ending implies they have already talked and a friendship of accountablity had evolved. I loved Danni's response and words - perfect.


I have a feeling I know who this is, but we'll have to see...

I loved it up until the end. I felt like it was too tidy and easy. Yea, sure she might have this kind of reaction through time, but I felt like as a teenager with the emotional baggage she had, she wouldn't just give in so fast, at least on the cover.

However, I loved your descriptiveness in this and the emotion it evoked. It's a very real issue today and I think you've captured it beautifully! Thanks!
This is written by a master, that's for sure. Your descriptions are magnificent. I was a little disappointed with the ending - thought the comment about the scars on the outside was a bit too pat. I am just slightly confused about Paul's scars from beatings for his faith relating to this poor girl's scars. But that's my opinion only. It is great writing. I bet I know who the author is too ... we'll see!
Wow, chillingly familiar. I had a freind who went through this, and several attempts at suicide.

I went to her wedding in April, she's starting on the path to following Jesus. There is always hope!

God bless,

Maxx ~ if I had known this was yours, I would have found something wrong with it! :)

And sitting in front of you this time isn't going to do me any good either. (I need a raspberry emoticon)
Excellent first paragraph. The descriptions were detailed and chillingly real. I agree that at first I thought the ending was quick but when I reread it, I think that indeed it wasn't the first time the person helped and at some point we hope a person asks for help...that was the point. It didn't mean she would never do it again..she was just asking for help. Very nice job!
I've read this one more than once and each time the visual image is more profound. Excellent! The pain you conveyed is all too real, but then so is the Jesus who heals the brokenness that leads to such a place as this.
Such descriptive writing and insight. Not to dark, but painful to say the least. Wonderful writing? This would make a really good short redemptive story with great potential to help someone going through this. I hope you expand it.
I'm enthralled with the way you can make even inanimate objects seem alive: "The house popped and moaned as the desert air began to cool, like a jaw snapping closed." You are Master of Mood!

The ending was OK, but it was a little too neatly wrapped up to feel like a genuine Maxx. How to make a happy ending while maintaining the delicious complexities and layered meanings of your stories? Dunno. Only Maxx can pull it off!

Beautifully written, and put me in the "liked the ending" camp. Perhaps a bit weak on topic, but your writing and your strong imagery are outstanding.
Maxx, you'll never really be in the box. You so captured a hurting subculture that needs help. I've counseled girls who did this and know not only that it is a serious reality, but that you clearly brought this illness into the light.

I thought the ending was a tiny bit hurried; however, the youth leader stopping by was really a natural occurrence. Good job.
Loved it - (in a flesh-creeping sort of way!) - and it deals with a very important subject. I agree with the majority about the ending, though, just a little too 'pat'. Otherwise it's perfect.
Another great entry from Maxx. I pray it wins, you never know who will be reading this quaters bk.

I look forward to reading your work each and every week.

This will probably bless more people than you will ever know. Bless you for your obedience in writing it.
This is just amazing writing. You have a great gift for bringing the writer into the story - something only the best of authors can do.