The Official Writing Challenge
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I don't know why I enjoyed this so much! But I did! This hooked me and kept me going! :)
Very creative-a good edit to help with some grammer issues and I think you have yourself a great children's story book.
What a lovely story - and may you be blessed in turning this into a popular childrens book!
I liked the longer version better... :)
There's a longer version? Perhaps that explains why I felt as if I was reading the Narnia Chronicles condensed into 750 words! The idea is great but it does appear that the word count has worked against you. I encourage you to explore the concept further (and in more words - LOL). God Bless.
I was getting a little confused in the first paragraph. It may have been the word limitation. Afterwards I caught the drift, and moved on much easier. I could see this adaptation to a childrens story. God bless ya, littlelight
I like this story. It has a Narnian feel to me and that is a good thing. Jared, like so many people in our world, let Satan rob them of the inheritance that is their right as brothers and sisters in Christ. He does it so subtlely that a person doesn't realize they are trading their crown for temporary gain!
I, too, sensed the similarity to Narnia. In the broken snow globe, I momentarily thought of the movie 'Citizen Kane' (no rosebuds in this story, however). My daughter says that there is a children's book that has a child riding on the back of a polar bear king. Nevertheless, and regardless of the inspiration, this was nicely written. Your depiction of Frost was so good that I sensed the evil.
A touch of C.S. Lewis inspiration :)
I felt lost--and there were some spelling errors that threw me off--but you obviously are a talented writer. I think this one was just too heavily edited. The action was very well-portrayed; I could see it as if on a movie screen.
J.C. I really loved this, but can't wait for you to post the full version. The word limit did make it a little choppy, but considering what you started with, I think you did an excellent job getting under the word count. I'm sure many people, kids and adults alike, will love reading this too. Keep it up! Great imagination.
Post the full version... or send it to me...
Grrr... that's an order... coming from the Polar Bear of your own story...