The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 223 times
Member Comments
Wow, this is a powerful story. My heart ached for Kerry and the many young people who are hurting just like this. You did a fantastic job of dealing with a difficult subject--suicide. Mom always told me that suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's so true and people need to be reminded of that. Bullying is a prevalent problem for today's generation.

My main red ink was the beginning was a tad slow. It's vital to start off with a real attention grabber. When you only have 750 words, you need to make every word count. The reader really doesn't need to know Kerrylou's hair and eye color or her nickname or even the encounter with the cat. Instead, I might have started with the message and then backtrack about how she had hoped that the new friend wouldn't fall prey to the rumors. That's just one suggestion, but there could be many ways you could start with more of an attention grabber.

Once I got past the first bit, I was totally committed to the story. You did a nice job of showing the mistake Kerrylou made--not talking about her problem because of embarrassment. From that point on, the choices became more heart-wrenching. I wanted to reach through the screen and shake her while yelling, "Talk to Mum!" You really brought the MC alive and made her and her pain feel real to me.

I like how you covered the topic in a reverse sort of way. It was fresh and creative. Sometimes words do more than just hurt feelings, they can inflict deep, lasting scars. This story should be read by all teens and their parents. You did a great job of bringing your important message to the forefront.
Oh my heart went out to the MC and this story overall. I was bullied from twelve years old until graduation from high school at sixteen. And, beaten-up so many times.

Suicide is an alternative that so many have chosen to escape...and you've managed to bring it to the forefront in a touching and classy way.

Good job. Thank you.

God bless~