The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 546 times
Member Comments
Cute story. Humorous and very well written. :)

I do have one small suggestion regarding the following sentence: Rebalancing her pile of books as she approached the employee entrance of the infamous cafeteria, located in the basement of the Administration Building, Olivia twisted the rusty doorknob with her free hand.

There's a heck of a lot of propositions in there that cause the sentence to drag on and on. They make the story more wordy and distract from the storyline. There are a few ways to reduce them. One is to eliminate "as" near the beginning and adding a comma. I'm sure if you played with it, you'd come up with some other options as well. Just something to think about.

In general, your story was an easy read and held my attention. Nice job!

Wow this was so good. I loved the entire piece. The story was deeply entertaining and fast moving. It never dragged for one moment. I really enjoyed it so much! Thanks.

God bless~
This was a fun read. I knew when I muttered eewww a few times that it was going to be the kind of story I love-full of gross details. You didn't disappoints. The ending was pure genius and had me laughing out loud, (seriously)