Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)
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TITLE: When you're weary, be encouraged | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tim Pickl
05/07/12 -
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It was a long day after a long week after a long month of working “day and night”. I was working back-to-back 8 hour shifts, with barely enough time to breathe and sleep.
I was extremely tired that night and I was falling asleep while driving home.
Finally, I pulled over to the side of the road.
“Oh, dear Lord, I can’t do this anymore.” I shook my head with tears streaming down my face. “Why? Why is this happening to me?”
I wept.
As I cried, I reached for some Kleenex and wiped my tears and my nose, pulling out tissue after tissue. I probably used a half a box.
Softly, in the background, I heard my radio playing an annoying promotional commercial—the type of commercials they run during sweeps (ratings) month.
Then an old, familiar song came on. I turned it up so I could hear it better.
It was Bridge Over Troubled Water.
As the melody started, I remembered my mother sang this to me when I was just a kid. Mom was always there for me; but she was already gone to be with the Lord. So in that miserable moment, and all I had was Jesus.
Desperately, I cried out to Him.
When you're weary, feelin' small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.
I'm on your side, Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Jesus spoke to me through that old song, and comforted me.
Sail on silver girl… I brushed back my silvery gray hair and smiled. Those lines had a new meaning now. Oh I was so weary—tired of trying to make ends meet.
“Oh no… I don’t have time for this.”
An officer pulled up behind me, and seemingly shined every light he had into my rear view mirror. My car lit up brighter than a sunny day on White Sands beach.
As he ambled up to my window, I rolled down my window.
“Is everythin’ all right here, ma’am?” The officer asked with concern in his voice, and shined a small flashlight in my face.
I guess the lights streaming from his car wasn’t enough?
“Oh everything is NOT all right.” I broke down again, as the tears flowed out of my eyes.
Amazingly, he handed me a few of his own tissues. “I hear yer listenin’ to my fav’rite station. You should check out the preacher comin’ up next. He’s my Pastor. No offense, ma’am, but you look tarred. I’m gonna let you go home so you kin rest.” He went back to the car and mercifully turned off his lights, then drove away.
“I’m too old for this!”
I started getting angry, which was good. The angry energy surged through me, and I was able to drive the rest of the way.
The preacher came on the radio. Apparently he did the show live, which was rare in a radio world filled with recordings and voice tracking.
“I am being led to read this passage to someone out there tonight:
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.(NKJV)
So, don’t be weary in doing good. God knows.”
Those words echoed in my mind and my spirit. God knows.
As I pulled into my driveway, my mobile phone rang.
Immediately I thought something was wrong.
“Momma, this is Rachel.”
“Hi honey, what’s goin’ on? Is there somethin’ wrong?”
“No, Momma. I just wanna come home. I need to make it right with you and raise my son.”
“This is just wonderful, Rachel. Thank You, Jesus!”
Then I saw that same officer drive past, waving.
God knows.
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This gave a good visual imagery of the scene being written about, and was a very enjoyable read. Good job!
Make sure you write out numbers less than ten. Also be very careful about quoting song lyrics as they may be still under copyright laws.
The ending felt a little forced to me. I have no doubt God can do such miracles. Maybe if the daughter was a tad tentative about coming home it would have felt more natural to me.
I love how you used the words in the song to soothe the MC. I have a special place for that song because it was sung at our wedding. Though many wouldn't see it as a wedding song, for me it was the perfect fit. I also could relate to the MC aching to see her own mom again and perhaps get some motherly advice for those hard times when the kids just wear you down with their actions.
You did a great job of writing on topic in a fresh and creative way. I loved the officer's southern drawl too. You did a great job capturing the southern gentleman in him.
I enjoyed the way you led the officer to her and her reaction to the lights. It all felt so natural and like we were right there.
Wonderful piece of writing.