The Official Writing Challenge
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What a delightful, engaging tale, a pure joy to read! Great job! God bless!
I loved this entertaining, thought provoking, visually vivid story beginning to end...I did not want it to end...though the ending is perfect! Oh, so much to reap from this piece...terrific job!!!!
I think this is a case of too much information. It's a cute story, but there's so much woven into it, that I had a hard time enjoying the moment you were leading up to. You definitely have a knack for wit and fun in your writing, and that's hard to do, so kudos for that :). And you clearly knew who your characters were and what their stories were- I think you just needed a smidge more room to work it out.

It's a cute story, and you write well. I hope you can hang on to that and that you only pull from my red ink what's useful.