Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: See (07/22/10)
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TITLE: Show Don't Tell | Previous Challenge Entry
By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom
07/29/10 -
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Abbey nodded in agreement. Deep inside, she felt a little relieved that they were here instead of at Casey’s party.
Grandma came in drying her hands on the dish towel. “Why don’t you two go upstairs? I think there are some movies in your mom’s old room.”
Together they clumped up the steps. “I can’t imagine there’s anything exciting in Mom’s room. “ Abbey pushed open the creaky door. “Mom is such a boring adult can you imagine what she was like as a teen?”
Katie laughed and a small snort came out of her nose. “She probably went to church 3 times a week and Bible study on the other nights.” She looked at the bulletin board on the wall.“Can you imagine what it must have been like to have a cop for a father?” Katie pulled down some of the newspaper articles. “They’re about how Grandpa busted drug dealers.”
Abbey was looking at some old VHS tapes under the TV. She discarded several Disney movies, her hand stopped at what was obviously a home movie. “How about watching old home movies of Mom?”
Katie grabbed the tape, put it in the machine and pushed play. The screen flickered then a grainy picture began to show up. Their mother was one of the girls on the corner gathered around a tall man. The deep voice startled the girls. “Come on honey, you know you want to have a good time. I’m here to offer you all of the fun you can stand.”
The twins held their breath as they realized what was unfolding in front of them. They recognized their Mom’s voice; it was pitchy and trembling. “We just want enough for a joint or two.” Suddenly, police lights were flashing on the screen.
In the next scene, the camera was close to Mom. They could see her sobbing in the backseat of a police car. “Please, you can’t take me to jail. My father will kill me if he finds out. Can’t you just let me go with a warning?”
The girls were holding each other’s’ hand, they gulped as they recognized their grandfather entering the scene. He opened up the car door and held his daughter in his arms. There were tears running down his face. “I’m sorry Sharon; I can’t get you out of this mess. You’re going to have to go through processing and court like anybody else. I tried to tell you to stay away from drugs, but you wouldn’t listen.” He slammed the car door as it drove away. The tape ended.
Katie wiped tears from her face. Her voice was hardly more than a whisper, “I can’t believe Mom was going to smoke pot.”
Abbey got up and walked over to the bookcase. She turned so she didn’t have to see the look in her sister’s face. “I can’t believe her own father didn’t get her off.” She ran her hand over the spines of the books. She stopped and pulled out a journal. “Hey, this looks like Mom’s journal. Do you think we should read it?”
Katie grabbed it from her sister’s hand and opened it up. They gulped at the stories that were written in their mother’s handwriting. The diary told tales of drunken parties and the first time Mom tried pot. They turned to the last page. Abby grabbed the book and read aloud.
My Darling Daughters,
I love you so much. I know many of your friends have been experimenting with drugs and that this weekend’s party wasn’t going to be chaperoned. I’ve tried telling you that drugs can only ruin your life. But kids don’t to listen to their parents. I decided I would leave this tape where you would find it. Showing works better than telling, but when you get home we WILL talk. Love, Mom
Katie looked at Abbey, “It’s pretty cool she loves us enough to let us find that tape. I’m so glad we didn’t go to that party.”
Abbey nodded, “Me too, I don’t even care that we have to sit down and talk. I can’t believe we were almost that stupid. Let’s find Grandma. I bet she made cookies.”
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It's awesome when our kids find our we're just kids who grew up and had kids....
Well done.
In my quest I decided to check out the articles you have written to somehow capture the heart of your writing. As I browsed, I came upon Show don't Tell After reading it I was able to grasp the concept you had mentioned in your email.
Thank you so very much.
I got it.
Your emails are priceless.