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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: fathers (06/06/05)
Jimmy’s pencil waved furiously over the lined notepad.

Dear God,

Will You give my dad a message? I think he’s up there with You ‘cos he taught me some real good stuff and I wanted to let him know that I’m doing everything he said. Tell him that I miss him. I guess he knows that anyhow.

Tell him that I love him.
I’m careful all the time-
don’t spill milk on my shirt...
THAT made him freak BIG time!
Tell him I don’t cry now;
I hold my tears in good.
I breathe real deep and wait,
just like he said I should.
Tell him I’m no sissy.
If any boy at school
tries to push me over
I punch him one-it’s cool.
No girl is gonna fool me
like Mom would do to him.
I yell at them real loud
and give my daddy’s grin.
If they shout back, my fist
will land square on their jaw…
guess that’s why I’m in Juvie
No can do that no more.

Hey God, before You leave and take care of all those other kids who need You to do them favors, I wanted to let You know…

Mom visits me and cries.
She’s such a hopeless case.
Talks to me ‘bout You God-
she says You’re full of grace.
I think it means You listen
and don’t think I’m a bother,
so that makes You my friend
and nothing like my father.

Thanks for passing on that message God. You’re the best!

Jimmy.
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This article has been read 1842 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Lynda Lee Schab 
06/14/05
What a creative take on topic! Nice poetry - flowed well. An easy read, yet filled with substance.
Well done!
Blessings, Lynda
Shari Armstrong 
06/14/05
Wow, just shows how important it is that father's set good examples for their sons.
Kyle Chezum
06/15/05
Very clever! I liked this piece, and the poetry was really good! Keep it up!
Dian Moore
06/15/05
Very cleverly done!
Joanne Malley
06/15/05
A very original format used for this challenge-enjoyed your poetry! :)
darlene hight
06/16/05
I enjoyed this even if it made me a little sad. It is so true to life. The things that we do to little boys!
Pat Guy
06/16/05
Very well done! Bittersweet with elements of hope (he's at least talking to God). Great combination of poetry and storyline. I really liked this. :)
WENDY DECKER
06/16/05
Great letter, Jimmy. Sounds like we could be a limb from the same family tree.
Val Clark
06/17/05
Out of left field approach to the damage dads can do, particularly when teaching their sons to be tough. Mother is a thread of hope. (phew)
dub W
06/17/05
Not only well done, but wow, what a message both to fathers and to sons.
Amy Michelle Wiley 
06/18/05
How sad. But point well made. Well done!
Suzanne R
06/19/05
Wow! It's original, well crafted, thought provoking, enjoyable (although sad at the same time) - WOW! Well done.
Phyllis Inniss 
06/20/05
Glad that I didn't miss this beautifully flowing poem with its powerful message to dads and their sons. I like the connection to God which gives hope. Very creative.