The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 867 times
Member Comments
What an emotional slice of life scene! Very realistic for that age too. You did an excellent job with the dialogue and descriptions and especially the characterization. Well done!
"I didn’t have to look at her to see the hurt; it radiated from her like heat." -- I love this description! I can almost feel it too.

The ending didn't give me enough. You illustrate a powerful lesson, but it seems unfinished. (Often one of the challenges of working within a 750 word count).

Your description and dialog paint a picture of these two cousin/sisters that is real and believable.

Great job! Blessings, Cheri
Excellent story full of great descriptions, dialogue and character. A lesson well learned indeed. I wish we could have had more - don't you hate the 750 word limit sometimes. Well done Glynis, well done.
Oh, very good! I don't think it feels unfinished at all--I love the ending, and I loved it all the way through.
I wasn't expecting that ending, but there was a good lesson to be learned from it.

Your descriptions are wonderful, and the lesson being taught is even better. I'm guessing that this was fiction, but it was 100% believable.
Thanks for the intimate glimpse into the lives of teens. This read true to me, great job.

Your title is so appropriate and doesn't give the ending away.
Very realistic! I felt so sad for both of them to know that there's a rift now between them, very emotional, good job! ^_^
The trouble with hateful words that they're out there, and they can't be taken back. You showed this extraordinarly well in this true-to-life, well written cousins' story.