The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Canadian, eh? : )
Your peice flowed with the rhythmic sound of the train wheels.
I liked the concept of "Where did I fit into the equation?" and the way this wound through the piece.

Just a suggestion - clear paragraph breaks.

You have some beautiful phrases in this piece. I wonder how much is autobiographical? It seems to have a lot of heart behind it.
This was a very interesting piece. I like your style!
I like the way the narration progressed. I agree with above, paragraph spacing would make for better readability.
Great writing, would love to read more of your work. Even though it is, one of the criteria to win placement is for the piece to be recognizable as Christian (ie, praying man, thoughts of Jesus etc), and unfortunately you have no mention of that.
A dark narative with just enough sparks of light to show the change going on.
Great start, really hooked me in. Nice transition from city to the country mirroring your character's journey from hopelessness to the possibility of hope.

What a gift you have with words. No easy metaphors, rather interesting and refreshing phrases as you describe the scene and the thoughts. It feels like part of a larger piece. I'm left wondering why the father's death erases the son from the equation. The equation started with Adam and continues to become more complete with each new generation. I wished I could understand the dark struggle the father's death has caused the hitch hiker. Very talented. Would love to receive a PM regarding more details on the equation.
You have some wonderful lines in this piece! It makes me want to know MORE. You are definitely a wordsmith. Very interesting and creative.